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I joined a dating site for chickens. It's all about finding the perfect 'coop'-le!
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I used to be a baker before joining a dating site. Now I'm knead-deep in dates!
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Why did the programmer break up with the computer on the dating site? It had too many 'bugs' in the relationship.
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I found my perfect match on a dating site for puzzle lovers. Our relationship is the missing piece!
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Why did the scarecrow join a dating site? He was outstanding in his field and wanted a 'corny' companion!
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Why did the smartphone join a dating site? It wanted a connection, not just WiFi!
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I tried a dating site for gardeners, but it didn't work out. Turns out, we had too many 'weeds' in our relationship.
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Why did the calendar join a dating site? It was looking for a date that could be scheduled!
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I joined a dating site for chefs. It's all about finding someone to spice up my life!
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Why did the comedian join a dating site? He wanted to find someone who could laugh at his jokes even when they're not funny!
Swipe Right into Despair
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You ever notice how using dating sites is like online shopping for relationships? It's like, Hmm, do I want the emotionally available model with a side of commitment issues, or should I go for the classic 'ghosting' special? Decisions, decisions...
Profile Pictures vs. Reality
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Dating sites should come with a warning: Objects in profile pictures may appear more attractive than they are in real life. I met someone who looked like a 10 online, but in person, they were more of a strong 4. I thought I accidentally ordered from the clearance section!
Breaking the Ice with Icebreakers
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Dating apps always suggest using icebreakers. I tried one that said, If you were a vegetable, you'd be a cute-cumber. Turns out, vegetables are not the key to a person's heart, and puns can't save you from an awkward date!
First Date Survival Kit
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I think we need a first-date survival kit: a GPS tracker for when the conversation goes off course, noise-canceling headphones for awkward silences, and maybe a small parachute, just in case the date takes a nosedive.
Love in the Time of Autocorrect
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Dating sites need an autocorrect feature for our emotions. You know, just to save us from sending messages like, I ducking love you! Auto-correct, please save me from ducking up my love life.
Love is Blind... and Deaf
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They say love is blind, but no one mentions that it's also deaf. I once ignored all the red flags, and my friends were like, Dude, are you blind? And I was like, No, just in love with selective hearing.
The Catfish Chronicles
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I got catfished once. I showed up to the date, and the person looked nothing like their pictures. I felt like a detective solving a mystery: Alright, who kidnapped the person in these photos and replaced them with you?
Bios: The Art of Overselling
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Reading dating bios is like reading a fantasy novel. World traveler, gourmet chef, and Nobel Prize winner in modesty. I'm just waiting for someone to be honest and say, Can make a mean bowl of cereal and watches Netflix like a pro.
The Age of Emoji Love
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Texting on dating apps is like communicating in hieroglyphics. I got a message with three eggplants, a water droplet, and a peach. I had to consult the ancient scrolls of Google to decipher that one!
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