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Joke Types
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Why did the cyclist bring a ladder to the race? Because he heard the competition was steep!
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Why don't cyclists ever make good detectives? They always lose their trails!
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Why did the cyclist bring a bell to the race? Because it was a ringing endorsement!
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Why did the cyclist bring a pencil to the race? To draw the finish line!
The Unspoken Code
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Cyclists have this unspoken code on the road, like they're in a secret society. They've got hand signals and nods, and I'm over here just trying not to spill my coffee while driving. I mean, I can barely remember my turn signal exists, let alone master the Tour de Interpretive Dance.
Bike Bells: A Soundtrack for Anarchy
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Cyclists have those dainty little bike bells, and they ring them like it's a symphony of politeness. I tried using a car horn like a bike bell once, and let's just say, people were more terrified than appreciative. Maybe I need a horn that plays Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star instead.
The Silent Race
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Have you noticed how quiet cyclists are on the road? It's like they've mastered the art of silent rebellion. Meanwhile, my car sounds like it's auditioning for a percussion ensemble every time I hit a pothole. Maybe I should switch to a bike for a stealthier commute – call it Operation Ninja Commuter.
Spandex: A Privilege, Not a Right
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I tried wearing spandex once. Let's just say, it's a privilege reserved for those who have spent more time on a bike seat than on a therapist's couch. Spandex is like a truth serum for your body shape. I put it on, and suddenly I had abs... printed on the tag of my underwear.
Bike Lane Blues
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Bike lanes are like the VIP section of the road. Cyclists cruise through like they're in a parade, and I'm stuck in the regular lanes, jealous and contemplating a career change just to join the two-wheeled elite. I'm considering a unicycle – it's like the monocle of transportation.
Pedal Power
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Cyclists are all about pedal power, and I respect that. But when I see them passing by with those calves of steel, I can't help but feel like they're just showing off. I've been doing calf raises in the gym, and all I've got to show for it is a newfound appreciation for elevators.
Bike Shorts: Fashion or Folly?
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I tried wearing bike shorts for a day. Let's just say, I've never felt more exposed. It's like I was walking around with a billboard advertising my insecurities. If I wanted that much attention, I'd just start a podcast.
Tour de Farce
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You ever notice how cyclists are like the overachievers of transportation? They've got all the gear, the spandex that's tighter than my last relationship, and they look at you from their high-tech helmets like they just won the Tour de France. Meanwhile, I'm here struggling to win the Tour de Netflix.
Wheels of Fortune
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Cyclists always talk about the freedom of the open road, but have you tried finding parking for a bike? It's like they have a secret club where they teleport to their destination because there's never a bike chained up outside my favorite coffee shop. Meanwhile, I'm circling the block for the third time, praying for a parking spot closer than Narnia.
Helmet Hair, Don't Care
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Cyclists proudly wear their helmets like a badge of honor. Meanwhile, I avoid helmets because I value my hair more than my brain cells. Cyclists have helmet hair that screams, I just conquered the world! My helmet hair screams, I just conquered a wind tunnel.
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