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The Overzealous Marriage Counselor
When the marriage counselor is too enthusiastic about saving relationships.
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The counselor told us to communicate more, so now my spouse and I send each other post-it notes. It's like living in a rom-com, except instead of grand gestures, we're arguing about who forgot to buy milk.
The Zen Counselor
When the counselor is so laid back that they're practically horizontal.
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The Zen counselor suggested I visualize my goals. I did, and now I'm spending my days daydreaming about being a millionaire instead of working towards it. It's like the guy is trying to turn me into the laziest overachiever ever.
The Freudian Slip Counselor
When the counselor can't help but turn everything into a Freudian analysis.
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The counselor asked me about my dreams. I started talking about flying, and he's like, "Ah, the classic desire for freedom." No, I just want to fly because it sounds fun, not because I'm subconsciously trying to escape my childhood trauma.
The Tech-Savvy Counselor
When your counselor thinks therapy sessions need a software upgrade.
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I told my tech-savvy counselor I have trust issues. He suggested I update my trust settings. Now I'm walking around like a human software update, constantly checking for bugs in my relationships.
The Foodie Counselor
When your counselor uses food analogies for every piece of advice.
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I told my counselor I needed to spice things up in my marriage. He suggested a date night, but not just any date night – a gourmet, five-course meal date. Now I'm bankrupt and single, but at least I had the best lobster bisque of my life.
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