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The Paranoid Tech Support
Believing every computer glitch is a robot uprising
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I asked the tech support guy if my laptop was safe. He said, "Define 'safe.' If by 'safe,' you mean plotting the overthrow of humanity, then no, it's not safe at all.
The Overly Optimistic Weather Forecaster
Predicting sunshine in a hurricane
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The other day, the weather forecaster said there's a 50% chance of rain. I thought, "Well, there's also a 50% chance I'll regret not bringing an umbrella, so I'll take those odds!
The Grammar Police Chef
Correcting everyone's kitchen grammar
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I tried to impress the chef by using fancy culinary terms. I said, "This omelet is exquisite, truly a culinary masterpiece." He replied, "It's just eggs, calm down, Shakespeare.
The Procrastinating Gardener
Waiting for plants to water themselves
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I bought a self-watering plant. Turns out, it waters itself as long as you can teach it to hold a watering can. My plant and I are in couples therapy now.
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