4 Jokes About Confidence

Standup-Comedy Bits

Updated on: Aug 09 2024

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Confidence is like that toxic relationship you can't seem to let go of. One day, you're feeling on top of the world, and the next, you're questioning your life choices. It's a rollercoaster, and I don't even like rollercoasters!
I've tried everything to boost my confidence—positive affirmations, power poses, even talking to myself in the mirror like a motivational speaker. But Confidence just looks at me and goes, "Nice try, but I'm still taking a day off."
It's like Confidence is the ultimate drama queen. It loves the spotlight but refuses to show up when you actually need it. And then, just when you're about to break up with it, it sends you a text like, "Hey, miss me?"
Confidence, you're a tricky one, but I guess we're stuck with each other. It's a love-hate relationship, emphasis on the "hate" when you decide to bail on me right before that important presentation. Thanks a lot, Confidence. Thanks a lot.
You ever notice how confidence is like that elusive friend who shows up uninvited and leaves without saying goodbye? I mean, seriously, I'm over here trying to be confident, but it's playing hard to get. It's like, "Come on, Confidence, I've got a social event to attend. Can you please make an appearance?"
I tried faking it till I make it, but I think Confidence has a built-in radar for impostors. It's like, "Oh, you're trying to be confident? Let me just disappear for a while and make you question every life choice you've ever made."
And why is it that confidence seems to skyrocket when you're alone in front of the mirror rehearsing a speech, but the moment you step out into the real world, it's like, "Oh, you thought you were confident? That's cute."
I've come to the conclusion that confidence is that one friend who's never there when you need them but shows up when you least expect it, usually right after you've given up hope. It's like the universe is playing a game of hide-and-seek with my self-esteem.
I wish I had a confidence-o-meter, you know? Like, a little gauge that shows me how much confidence I have at any given moment. It could be like a mood ring, but for self-esteem. Picture this: I walk into a room, and my confidence-o-meter starts beeping like crazy, letting everyone know I'm on fire today.
But of course, reality hits, and my confidence-o-meter is more like a vintage, unreliable thermometer. It's like, "Oh, you're feeling good about yourself? Let me just drop a few degrees and see how you handle that."
And then there are those days when my confidence-o-meter is in the negatives. I didn't even know confidence could go into the negatives, but apparently, mine has a magical ability to make me feel worse about myself than I did before.
Confidence is that friend who shows up at the weirdest times, like when you're in the middle of a heated argument. You're there passionately defending your point, and suddenly Confidence is like, "Hey, buddy, you got this!" And you're like, "Not now, Confidence, I'm trying to win an argument, not a talent show!"
And then there are those moments when Confidence decides to show up fashionably late. You finally muster up the courage to approach someone you're interested in, and Confidence is like, "Sorry, traffic was crazy. What did I miss?" And you're standing there like, "Oh, just the entire introduction and the part where I was supposed to be charming."
I swear, Confidence has a weird sense of humor. It's like, "Let me pop in when you least expect it, just to keep things interesting." It's the ultimate party crasher of the emotional spectrum.

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