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I love how civil servants have their own language. You walk into an office, and they start throwing around acronyms like confetti at a parade. I tried to decode it once. I asked a clerk, "What does TPS report mean?" She looked at me dead serious and said, "Time Passes Slowly." I thought, well, at least they're honest about it.
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Have you ever been to a government office where they have that sign that says, "We aim to serve you within 15 minutes"? It's like they're setting a world record for the slowest race. You walk in, grab a number, and suddenly, time starts moving at the speed of government efficiency. You'll be 90 before they call your number.
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Civil servants have this incredible ability to make paperwork disappear. I handed in a form once, and the guy behind the counter swiped it off the desk like a magician. I asked him where it went, and he just winked and said, "Government secrets, my friend." I swear, if they put that skill on a resume, Houdini would be jealous.
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You ever notice how civil servants have mastered the art of looking busy? I walked into a government office, and everyone was typing furiously. I asked for help, and they all simultaneously pressed the print button. Suddenly, the whole office sounded like a chorus of overworked typewriters. I didn't know if I was in a government office or a typing competition!
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Civil servants love paperwork so much; they probably dream in triplicate. I imagine them sleeping at night, muttering, "Form 27-B, approved, Form 27-B, approved" like it's a lullaby. If they ever make a horror movie about the DMV, it would be called "The Formening.
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You know you're in a government office when the highlight of your day is finding an empty parking space. It's like winning the lottery. You start calculating the odds and wondering if this is a sign that miracles really do happen. "Empty space at the DMV? There's hope for humanity!
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Have you ever seen a civil servant with a stapler? It's like their Excalibur. They guard it with their lives. I tried to borrow one once, and the guy acted like I asked for his firstborn. "Staplers are personal," he said. I didn't know staplers had feelings!
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Civil servants have this superpower to make you feel like you're bothering them, even when it's their job to help. I called a government hotline once, and the automated voice said, "Your call is important to us." But judging by the tone of the guy who eventually picked up, I'm pretty sure my call was more of an inconvenience than important.
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I went to renew my driver's license at the DMV, and I swear they have a secret competition for the grumpiest employee. The winner probably gets a trophy shaped like a frown. They should call it the Department of Miserable Vibes.
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