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Why did the soda go to therapy? It had too many issues with self-esteem.
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I asked my friend for a sip of their energy drink, and now I know why they call it 'Monster.' I felt like I had three hearts beating in my chest. Turns out, that's not how you achieve work-life balance.
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Beverages are like my relationships - they always leave me feeling flat, and sometimes there's a weird aftertaste. Can we get a refund on exes, by the way?
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I recently started drinking herbal tea for health reasons. Apparently, my body is a temple, and I've been treating it more like a fast-food joint. Who knew my temple was more of a drive-thru than a serene sanctuary?
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They say life is like a cup of coffee - bitter, hot, and best enjoyed with a donut. Well, my life is more like a cup of decaf - lacking excitement, and everyone wonders why I even bothered.
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Why do we call it a 'soft drink'? I mean, there's nothing soft about the disappointment when the vending machine is out of your favorite one. It's more like a 'hard blow to your happiness.'
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They say wine gets better with age. Well, I've been trying that with my soda, and let me tell you, flat Pepsi from last week does not qualify as a vintage refreshment. I guess time doesn't improve everything.
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I went to a mixology class thinking it was a music workshop. Now I can make a mean cocktail, but my playlist still consists of '80s hits and embarrassing dance moves. I guess I'm mixing more than just drinks.
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I tried going on a liquid diet, but turns out, beverages frown upon being the only thing in your stomach. Who knew they were so judgmental? I miss my solid food - it never gave me dirty looks.
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I ordered a beverage at the bar, and the bartender asked, 'On the rocks?' I said, 'No, in a glass. I'm not looking for a geology lesson, I just want my drink.'
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