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Why is it that our phones have enough technology to unlock with our faces, but they can't distinguish between a genuine smile and the forced one we use when someone says, "Say cheese!"? I'm stuck with a phone that thinks I'm ecstatic every time I open it.
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Why is it that the alarm clock is always the most energetic person in the room in the morning? It's blaring, "Wake up! It's a brand new day!" And I'm like, "Can you please hit snooze for me, too?
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Let's talk about self-checkout machines. They're like the overeager interns of the grocery store. "Unexpected item in the bagging area." Yeah, it's called life, Karen. It's full of unexpected items.
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Why do we press the remote control harder when we know the batteries are dying? It's like, "Come on, you can do it! Just a little more juice, and we can watch one more episode without having to move!
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You know you're an adult when you get excited about a new sponge for the kitchen. It's like, "Wow, look at these bristles! This is the Rolls Royce of scrubbing!" I never thought I'd be rating sponges, but here we are.
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Let's talk about adulting. Remember when we were kids, and we couldn't wait to grow up? Now all I want is a nap without judgment. I'm over here trying to adult, but my inner child keeps asking, "Are we there yet?
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You ever notice how you become an amateur detective when you lose something? I mean, I can't find my keys in the morning, suddenly I'm Sherlock Holmes, questioning everyone in the house like, "Where were you at 2 AM? Do you have an alibi?
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Let's talk about email sign-offs. I spend more time deciding how to end an email than I do on the actual content. "Best regards" sounds too formal, "Cheers" might be too casual, and "Sincerely" makes me feel like I'm writing a letter to the Queen.
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Have you ever noticed how the elevator door starts closing faster when someone is running to catch it? It's like the elevator is saying, "Oh, you're in a hurry? Let me just speed up and make this a cardio session for you!
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