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I asked my Bad Santa cousin why he never gives thoughtful gifts. He said, "Thoughtful gifts? I thought you said thoughtful rifts!" Now I have a collection of terrible dad jokes.
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You ever notice how Bad Santas have this talent for predicting the worst possible gift for you? I got a do-it-yourself taxidermy kit once – nothing says happy holidays like stuffing your own squirrel.
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My Bad Santa relative is so committed to being "bad" that he gives out coal every year – not as a punishment, but as a barbecue enthusiast trying to spread the joy of grilling.
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Bad Santas love giving you gifts that make you question their knowledge of your interests. Last year, mine gave me a self-help book titled "How to Make Friends and Influence People" – thanks, but I think I've got the friend thing down.
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I was at a family gathering last Christmas, and my Bad Santa relative decides to play Santa Claus. But instead of the usual "Ho, ho, ho," he goes, "Yo, yo, yo, what up, it's Santa in the house!" I didn't know whether to laugh or be concerned for the future of holiday traditions.
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Bad Santas always seem to have the loudest, most obnoxious holiday sweaters. I swear, my relative's sweater last year had more blinking lights than a Christmas tree. I needed sunglasses just to have a conversation with him.
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You ever have that Bad Santa in your family who gives you the same gift every year? I mean, seriously, how many pairs of socks does one person need? It's like they've got a sock factory in their backyard.
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Bad Santas love to give you gifts that require an instruction manual thicker than the gift itself. I spent more time figuring out how to assemble my "easy-to-build" bookshelf than I did actually reading books.
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Bad Santas are like the Grinches of gift-giving. They don't wrap presents; they just hand you a plastic bag with the receipt still in it. It's the thought that counts, right?
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