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Auditions are like job interviews, but with more dramatic lighting. I feel like I should enter the room with a smoke machine behind me, just to add some flair to my introduction.
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Auditioning is the only time it's acceptable to talk to yourself in public. You're walking down the street, muttering lines, and everyone thinks you're a struggling artist. Little do they know, you're just practicing your monologue about ordering coffee.
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The moment when they ask if you have any questions. Like, what do you even ask? "Can I get a hint about whether my life is about to change forever?" No? Okay, cool.
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The waiting room at auditions is a fascinating place. It's like a support group for people who willingly put themselves through the emotional roller coaster of rejection on a regular basis. We exchange nods like, "I feel your pain, but may the best actor win.
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I love how they call it a "cold read." It's more like a "panic read." You're handed a script you've never seen, expected to perform like an Oscar-winning pro. I've had warmer introductions to ice cream.
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The drive home after an audition is a special kind of reflection time. You replay every word, every facial expression, wondering if you should've gone with a different inflection on that one line. It's like being your own personal post-game commentator.
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You ever notice how in auditions, they always ask you to slate your name and then immediately forget it? It's like, "Hi, I'm John... who you won't remember in three seconds. Nice to meet you.
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Audition nerves are real. I swear, my palms get so sweaty I could hydrate a small plant. I should bring a potted fern to auditions, just to give it a new lease on life.
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Ever notice how the casting director's poker face is on point? You could recite Shakespeare with the passion of a thousand actors, and they'd still be sitting there like, "Interesting choice.
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