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I got a new vacuum cleaner, and the manual said it has "advanced suction technology." I don't know what that means, but if my vacuum cleaner starts pulling in more than just dust, I'm calling Ghostbusters. I don't need a vacuum that doubles as a paranormal portal.
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The dishwasher is the unsung hero of the kitchen. I load it up, press a button, and magically, the dishes are clean. But does anyone know how to properly load a dishwasher? I'm convinced there's a secret society of dish ninjas who rearrange everything when I'm not looking.
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Washing machines are like secret agents. They wait until you're in a meeting or trying to sleep, and then, bam! That's when they decide it's the perfect time to start their spy-level, top-secret operation. I swear, my washing machine has a vendetta against my tranquility.
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Ever notice how the microwave always sounds like it's about to take off into outer space? I just wanted to heat up my leftovers, not send them on a mission to Mars. It's like, calm down, microwave, it's just yesterday's pizza, not a NASA launch!
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Why do refrigerators have a light that turns on when you open the door but not when you close it? What, does the fridge assume we're all expert nighttime snackers? It's like, "Sure, find that leftover lasagna in the dark. Good luck!
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Why do coffee makers always have that mysterious reservoir at the back? I feel like I'm preparing a potion in a secret laboratory every morning. Is it coffee or am I about to summon a caffeine spirit? I don't know, but it gets me through the day!
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Why do irons have a steam option? I mean, I just want to straighten my shirt, not create a mini weather system in my bedroom. It's like, "Oh, you wanted wrinkle-free clothes? How about a tropical rainforest instead?
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I don't trust my toaster. It's got that lever with settings from one to six, but does anyone actually know what those numbers mean? Am I toasting bread or launching a rocket? I set it on three once, and suddenly my kitchen was filled with smoke. I just wanted breakfast, not a fire drill!
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I bought a new blender the other day. You know it's a high-tech world when your kitchen appliances have more settings than your relationship status on Facebook. I'm just trying to make a smoothie, not navigate a spaceship. Where's the button for "I just want something tasty"?
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