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Amblers have a distinct playlist in their heads. It's got to be something like elevator music mixed with the sound of birds chirping. Meanwhile, the rest of us are jamming out to our favorite tunes, trying to make it through the day without losing our minds. I imagine if an amble-racer ever created a workout playlist, it would include songs like "Leisurely Lullabies" and "Casual Cardio Beats." Can you imagine hitting the gym to the soothing sounds of someone casually strolling through a meadow? "And now, let's pick up the pace to the sound of a gentle breeze.
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You ever notice how some people walk like they're on a casual stroll through the park? I call them "amblers." They're the folks who turn a simple trip to the grocery store into a leisurely Sunday afternoon stroll. It's like they've got all the time in the world. Meanwhile, I'm over here power-walking through the aisles like I'm training for the grocery Olympics. I tried ambling once, just to see what the fuss was about. I got halfway down the cereal aisle, and someone mistook me for a store employee. I didn't have the heart to tell them I was just temporarily embracing my inner amble. Now, if I want assistance, I've got to power-walk over to an actual employee and hope they can keep up with my newfound speed.
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There's a special breed of amblers that I like to call the "stealthy amblers." You don't even see them coming until they're right behind you, silently ambling along. It's like they've mastered the art of walking in slow motion without making a sound. You turn around, and there they are, in all their quiet, ambling glory. I've considered putting bells on my shoes just to give people a fair warning. "Ding-ding! Fast walker coming through!" But then I realized that would defeat the purpose of being stealthy. Maybe I should just accept it and start practicing my own ninja amble. Sneaking up on people, surprising them with my unhurried presence. Who knew walking could be so complicated?
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You ever get stuck behind an amble-racer in the fast lane? You know the type—the person who treats the fast lane on the highway like it's the scenic route. It's infuriating! I'm sitting there, late for a meeting, and this person is cruising along, admiring the view like they're on a Sunday drive. I'm convinced that amblers are the reason for road rage. It's not the traffic or the construction; it's the person in front of you going 10 miles below the speed limit with no intention of moving over. I've considered getting a sign for my car that says, "If you're not going to speed, move to the right, and let the rest of us live our lives!
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