21 Jokes For Abusive

Puns

Updated on: Jul 30 2024

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Why was the abusive book always causing trouble? It had too many spine-chilling stories!
Why did the abusive car get impounded? It kept driving people crazy!
Why did the abusive athlete get disqualified? He kept crossing the line!
Why did the abusive pencil get sent to detention? It kept drawing blood!
Why did the abusive comedian make everyone laugh? He had a chline for everything!
Why did the abusive chef get fired? He kept beating the eggs and whipping the cream!
Why was the abusive tree removed? It kept throwing shade!
Why was the abusive calendar angry? Because it had too many days!
Why did the abusive plant get expelled? It kept leafing scars on others!
Why did the abusive bicycle get a warning? It had a history of 'wheel' misconduct!
Why was the abusive lightbulb unscrewed? It couldn't stop flickering!
They say love is blind, but apparently, it also needs a hearing aid. I was accused of being abusive because I snore. I didn't know my sleep sounds were the soundtrack to a horror movie.
Apparently, asking 'What's for dinner?' can be considered emotionally abusive if repeated too often. I didn't know my culinary curiosity was tearing down the emotional foundations of our relationship. Maybe I should have just stuck to takeout menus.
Living with my ex was like a crash course in abnormal psychology. I mean, I didn't sign up for a PhD in handling someone's emotional baggage. I wanted a roommate, not a live-in therapy session!
My ex claimed I was abusive because I always left the toilet seat up. I didn't realize my bathroom habits were the key to world peace. Maybe I should start a 'Toilet Seat Liberation Movement.'
Being accused of being abusive is a real confidence booster. It's like, 'Congratulations! You've just been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize in 'Surviving a Relationship.'
If loading the dishwasher wrong is a crime, then call me Public Enemy Number One. I'm like the Al Capone of household chores. Forget the FBI; I'm being hunted down by the 'Federal Bureau of Incorrect Utensil Arrangement.'
My ex once accused me of being emotionally unavailable. I tried explaining that I was just saving my emotional energy for more critical matters, like deciding what to watch on Netflix. Priorities, people!
My ex said I was emotionally abusive. I asked for examples, and apparently, 'eating the last slice of pizza without asking' qualifies as a war crime now. I guess I missed the memo from the United Nations of Relationship Etiquette.
Dating someone who accuses you of being abusive is like playing a game of emotional Jenga. One wrong move, and the whole relationship comes crashing down. Spoiler alert: I'm not great at Jenga.
My ex used to call me 'abusive' just because I couldn't figure out the right way to load the dishwasher. I mean, there's no winning with these domestic Olympics. It's like, congratulations, I've just earned the gold medal in 'incorrect dish placement.'

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