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Why did the 40-year-old bring a map to the party? Because he heard life begins at 40, and he needed directions!
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Why did the 40-year-old buy a ladder? To reach new heights in life... and the top shelf!
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Why did the 40-year-old start a landscaping business? Because he wanted to mow down his problems!
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Why did the 40-year-old bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house!
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Why did the 40-year-old refuse to play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding when your joints crack like popcorn!
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Why did the 40-year-old bring a pencil to the party? In case he wanted to draw some attention!
At 40, You Get VIP Access to the 'Back in My Day' Club
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Being 40 is like having a backstage pass to the Back in My Day club. We're the veterans of dial-up internet, mixtapes, and the struggle of finding someone's phone number in the Yellow Pages. Kids today will never know the pain of waiting for your favorite song to play on the radio so you could record it on a cassette tape.
40 is the New 30, Until You Try to Party
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Someone told me that 40 is the new 30. I believed them until I tried to pull an all-nighter. Now, the only thing I'm pulling is a muscle. I need a week to recover from a night out, and my idea of a wild time is using the express checkout lane.
Life Begins at 40, So They Say
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You know you're officially in your 40s when getting a good night's sleep means you didn't have to get up to pee. Ah, the joys of middle age – it's basically a constant battle between the bladder and the snooze button.
Midlife Crisis, Sponsored by Amazon Prime
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They say midlife crisis hits hard at 40. Mine was sponsored by Amazon Prime. I bought things I didn't need with money I didn't have, and now my house is filled with packages I'm too tired to open.
Wrinkles: Nature's Way of Keeping Score
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You know you're 40 when your wrinkles have become a roadmap of bad decisions. It's like nature's way of keeping score. Ah, yes, that's the laugh line from the time I thought getting bangs was a good idea.
40 and Still Figuring Out What I Want to Be When I Grow Up
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At 40, I'm still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. It's a tough decision – do I want to be financially stable or do I want to buy that inflatable dinosaur costume for no reason at all? Adulting is hard, y'all.
Fitness Goals at 40: Trying Not to Make Weird Noises When You Bend Over
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You hit 40, and suddenly your fitness goal becomes trying not to make weird noises when you bend over. I used to drop it like it's hot; now I drop it like it's lukewarm and comes with a side of joint pain.
The 40-Year-Old Decision-Making Dilemma
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At 40, making decisions feels like choosing between a rock and a hard place – and both options are just different varieties of prune juice. I spend more time deciding what to watch on Netflix than I do choosing my career path.
Turning 40: The Age When 'Rock and Roll' Means Checking Your Blood Pressure
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You hit 40, and suddenly rock and roll means checking your blood pressure. The only tour I'm on is the one to the doctor's office, and my groupies are the nurses who know my name.
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