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Remember when 2018 was the year every celebrity decided they needed their own streaming platform? It was like a war of the streaming stars. You had to choose between platforms like it was some kind of loyalty test. I felt like a traitor every time I watched something on a different platform. Friends would ask, "Hey, did you watch that new show?" And I'd be like, "Uh, yeah, on that other platform... the one that's not the home of Friends reunion. Please don't judge me."
It got so confusing; I needed a spreadsheet to keep track of which show was where. "Is that the one with the dragons, or the one with the superheroes?" I felt like a digital nomad navigating through the vast landscape of entertainment.
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Ah, 2018, the year of ambitious New Year's resolutions. Everyone was like, "This is the year I'm going to hit the gym every day, learn a new language, and become a gourmet chef." Fast forward to February, and I'm sitting on the couch, eating takeout, wondering which language has the word for "regret" in it. Gyms were packed in January, but come February, it was like a scene from a post-apocalyptic movie. Tumbleweeds rolling through the cardio section, echoes of broken resolutions in the air. I realized I had a better chance of becoming a superhero than maintaining a New Year's resolution.
So, here's to 2018, the year we set the bar high and then realized we were better at limbo than pole vaulting.
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You guys remember 2018? The year when your smartphone started giving you attitude like a rebellious teenager. My phone was like, "Oh, you want to unlock me with your fingerprint? Not today, buddy! Let's play the guessing game." I swear, my phone's facial recognition was so picky. One day it recognized me perfectly, and the next day it was like, "Who are you? Have you been using a face mask or something?" I felt like I was in a relationship with a device that had commitment issues.
And don't get me started on auto-correct. 2018 was the year when auto-correct decided to spice things up. I'd type "I love you" to my mom, and it would change it to "I loathe you." Thanks, auto-correct, for turning me into an unintentional villain in my family.
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Who here spent 2018 binge-watching on Netflix? Yeah, me too. I was so committed to my shows that I felt like I was in an exclusive relationship with my couch. I even gave it a name - "The Throne of Laziness." But Netflix had this feature where it would ask, "Are you still watching?" I'm like, "Yes, Netflix, I'm still watching. Do you really think I have a life outside of this? You're my social life now."
And then there were those shows that automatically started playing the next episode. I'd be half asleep, and suddenly, the cliffhanger from hell kicks in. "Oh, you wanted to sleep? Here's a plot twist that will haunt your dreams." Thanks, Netflix, for making me question my life choices at 3 AM.
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