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The Middle School Teacher
Dealing with the drama of middle school crushes
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I tried to give a lecture on Shakespeare, and all they wanted to talk about was the romantic tension between two characters in their favorite anime. I felt like Shakespeare was rolling in his grave, thinking, "To be or not to be? That is the shipping question.
The Parental Spy
Trying to understand your 12-year-old's secret language
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I tried using some of their slang to fit in. I walked into the room and said, "Hey, fam, what's poppin'?" My 12-year-old looked at me and said, "Dad, you sound like a malfunctioning robot." I guess I'll stick to my dad jokes; they may be ancient, but at least they're comprehensible.
The Bus Driver
Navigating the chaos of the middle school bus
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I tried to break up an argument by saying, "Can we all just get along?" One kid replied, "Sorry, Mr. Bus Driver, we're not in utopia; we're in middle school." Touche, 12-year-old philosopher, touche.
The Sleepover Host
Trying to impress the cool kids at the sleepover
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I decided to show off my cool factor by doing the floss dance. You know, that trendy move? Well, let's just say it's harder than it looks, especially when you've got joints that creak louder than the floorboards. I ended up looking like I was auditioning for a role in "The Walking Dad.
The Birthday Party Planner
Organizing a birthday party for a 12-year-old with ever-changing interests
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The cake was the real challenge. One day, they wanted a cake shaped like a gaming controller, the next day it was a unicorn. I compromised and got a cake that looked like a unicorn playing video games. Nailed it.
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