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The Amateur Detective
Believing x-rays reveal hidden mysteries
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I started studying x-ray images online, thinking I could now solve crimes. I found a shadow that looked like a crime scene, showed it to the technician, and she said, "Sir, that's just a poorly packed suitcase. You're not uncovering a murder; you're exposing someone's terrible packing skills.
The Casual Time Traveler
Believing x-rays are a glimpse into the past or future
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After the x-ray, I tried to convince the doctor that I'm now a time traveler. He said, "If you're from the future, tell me who wins the Super Bowl." I replied, "I don't know about sports, but I can tell you which celebrity will have the most embarrassing tweet next year." Priorities, Doc, priorities.
The Paranoid Conspiracy Theorist
Believing x-rays are a government mind-reading plot
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I asked the technician if the x-ray machine has a tinfoil hat setting. She didn't laugh. Maybe she's in on it. I'm starting to think that every time I go through airport security, they're not checking for weapons; they're checking for my thoughts about pineapple on pizza.
The Overly Cautious Patient
Going through an x-ray, convinced they've got superpowers
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After the x-ray, I asked the doctor if I developed any superpowers. He said, "Well, you might have the extraordinary ability to pay your medical bills on time." I'll take that as my superhero origin story.
The Claustrophobic Nightmare
Feeling trapped in the tiny x-ray machine
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The x-ray machine is supposed to be state-of-the-art, but I swear it's the same one they used on me as a kid. I asked the technician if they've upgraded, and she said, "No, but we now offer a complimentary chiropractic appointment after each session.
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