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Now, let's discuss the wildlife in West Virginia. I encountered more deer than people. I swear, the deer there have attitude. They stare at you like they pay property taxes and you're trespassing. I saw a deer give a better side-eye than my ex-girlfriend. And don't get me started on the raccoons—they have a black belt in dumpster diving. I tried to shoo one away, and it looked at me like, "Buddy, I've been through the West Virginia Walmart. Your scare tactics won't work on me!
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You know, I recently took a trip to West Virginia, or as I like to call it, Weather Ventures! I swear, you get all four seasons in one day there. I woke up, it was sunny, had lunch in a snowstorm, and by dinner, I was dodging a tornado. I felt like I needed a wardrobe change every hour just to keep up with Mother Nature's mood swings. I asked a local, "How do you guys plan your day here?" They said, "We don't. We just carry sunscreen, a snow shovel, and a tornado helmet everywhere we go!
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You can't talk about West Virginia without mentioning Walmart. I walked in, and I felt like I entered a parallel universe. People were dressed like they were going to the Oscars, and others looked like they just survived a zombie apocalypse. I saw a guy in his pajamas buying a lawnmower, and I thought, "That's either the laziest or the most efficient person I've ever seen." Walmart in West Virginia is like a melting pot of fashion disasters and questionable life choices.
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Let's talk about the unique vehicles you find in West Virginia. I saw a pickup truck with so much mud on it; I thought it was sponsored by a dirt company. I asked the driver, "How often do you wash this thing?" He looked at me dead serious and said, "Wash? This is a limited edition mud paint job!" I swear, they have competitions on who can keep the most mud on their truck. It's like a redneck version of modern art.
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