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Wii Fit is supposed to make you healthier, but all it does is remind you of your physical limitations. There's a body test that checks your age based on your balance and reaction time. I did it, and it said I had the body of a 65-year-old. I'm in my 30s! I guess my body is aging like fine cheese—getting better with time, but not everyone appreciates it. But here's the kicker: the Wii Fit trainer congratulates you on getting younger if you improve. Imagine going to your doctor and saying, "Doc, good news! My Wii Fit age is now 25!" I don't think they'd be too impressed.
So, moral of the story: if you want a reality check wrapped in a judgmental balance board, get yourself a Wii Fit. It's the only game where winning means you need to exercise more and play video games less.
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Wii Fit is like that overly honest friend who tells you things you didn't want to hear. It calculates your BMI and then classifies you. I step on it, and it goes, "You are overweight." Thanks, Wii Fit, I was going for 'pleasantly plump.' And the exercises it suggests are absurd. It's like it's designed for people with the flexibility of a contortionist. I tried the hula hooping game, and it looked less like dancing and more like a desperate attempt to escape an invisible swarm of bees. I guess I'm just not cut out for the Wii Fit circus.
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I decided to challenge myself with the strength training on Wii Fit. It made me feel like a fitness warrior, a digital gladiator. The virtual trainer looks at me and says, "Alright, let's see how many push-ups you can do." I'm down there, struggling, and it's counting. "One... two... are you even trying?" I'm like, "Listen, Wii Fit, you're a piece of plastic, and I'm a grown adult. Let's not compare our abilities here." I did three push-ups, and the game gave me a participation trophy. I'm not sure if that's motivational or just plain sad.
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You guys ever try that Wii Fit? I got it thinking it would be the key to my fitness dreams. I mean, it's a video game, right? How hard could it be? I'm not a fitness guru; I'm a button masher. So, I start up the Wii Fit, and it asks me to step onto this little balance board. It's like the scale's judgmental cousin. It starts analyzing my balance and tells me I have the posture of a question mark. I'm just trying to figure out if I can get through a round of Mario Kart without crashing into a wall!
But the real struggle begins when it suggests exercises. "Let's do some yoga," it says. Now, I'm no yoga expert, but I'm pretty sure the downward dog isn't supposed to look like a turtle trying to flip itself over. And don't even get me started on the tree pose—I'm more like a twig caught in a windstorm.
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