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Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
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Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
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You ever notice how 'well' is the adult version of 'uh-oh'? When your friend starts a sentence with 'Well, guess what happened,' you know you're in for a story that involves regret, poor decisions, and probably a misplaced car key or two.
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You know you're getting older when 'well' is the highlight of your weekend. Saturday night used to be all about parties and wild adventures. Now it's just me, a cozy blanket, and a well-deserved nap. I call it 'wildlife conservation' – I'm preserving the endangered species called my energy.
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Well, I tried to impress my date by cooking a romantic dinner. I must have misread the recipe because instead of 'wine reduction,' I ended up with 'well, we can always order pizza.' Nothing says love like a good ol' pizza delivery.
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Well, I tried meditation to achieve inner peace. Turns out, my mind is like a well – deep, mysterious, and occasionally filled with loose change. Now, instead of 'om,' I chant 'cha-ching.'
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You ever hear the phrase 'Well, that escalated quickly'? My life motto is 'Well, that de-escalated even quicker.' I avoid conflict like it's my job – which is ironic, considering I'm a stand-up comedian who thrives on comedic conflict.
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Well, I asked my fortune teller about my future, and she said, 'I see a well in your destiny.' I thought, 'Great, maybe I'll strike gold or discover a hidden treasure!' Turns out, she meant I'll be spending a lot of time wishing my wishes didn't fall into an actual well.
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Well, I finally realized why my cat gives me that judgmental look every morning. Turns out, he's been attending therapy sessions with a life coach. I walked in on them discussing my life choices. Now I have a cat therapist – I call him Doctor Whiskerstein!
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Well, my doctor told me I need to start eating healthier. So, I decided to switch to well water. Now, not only am I hydrated, but I also have a constant reminder of the questionable decisions I make in the pursuit of wellness.
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Well, I decided to take up gardening to connect with nature. Let's just say Mother Nature had a different plan. My plants saw my thumbs and thought, 'Well, he's not going to help us grow; let's call it quits.'
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You know you're in trouble when your boss starts a conversation with 'Well, we need to talk.' It's never 'Well, we need to throw a surprise party for you.' No, it's always 'Well, we need to discuss your excessive use of office supplies for crafting miniature paper cities.'
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