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Why did the bee get promoted? It was the queen bee's expert in vicious mockery!
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Why did the cat sit on the computer? It wanted to keep an eye on the mouse and its vicious mockery!
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Why did the basketball player go to therapy? Too many vicious mockeries on the court left him with low self-esteem!
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Why did the scarecrow win an award? It was outstanding in its field of vicious mockery!
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Why did the computer go to therapy? It couldn't handle the vicious mockery from its mouse!
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Why did the bicycle fall over? It couldn't handle the vicious mockery from the unicycle!
Vicious Mockery
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I tried to motivate myself to hit the gym more often, so I got a personal trainer. Instead of encouragement, he just stands there yelling, Your constitution is so low; even a gelatinous cube could outlast you on a treadmill! I think I'll stick to lifting the remote.
Vicious Mockery
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I thought about joining a support group for people with low self-esteem. But when I walked in, they all turned to me and said, Your initiative to join this group is commendable, but your confidence is so low, even a kobold wouldn't be intimidated. Well, I guess I'll just slink back to my hobbit hole of insecurity.
Vicious Mockery
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I tried joining a self-help group for a boost in confidence. They told me to stand in front of a mirror and repeat, I am strong, I am resilient. So, there I am, chanting away when the mirror responds with, Your charisma modifier is still a negative one. Well, there goes my newfound self-esteem.
Vicious Mockery
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I recently got a pet parrot, thinking it would be fun to have a feathered friend that repeats everything I say. Little did I know, this bird must have attended Bard College because instead of uplifting phrases, it just squawks vicious mockery. Now I have a pet that not only insults me but also critiques my life choices. Thanks, Polly, I needed that.
Vicious Mockery
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I asked my friend for some words of encouragement, and he said, You know, your life is like a D&D campaign. Full of unexpected challenges, and your charisma score is barely enough to convince a goblin not to attack you. Great, now I need a bard just to navigate my daily quests.
Vicious Mockery
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I went for a job interview, hoping to impress the hiring manager. When I finished, they said, Your qualifications are decent, but your interview charisma is lower than a goblin with a sore throat. I guess I need to start leveling up in interview skills.
Vicious Mockery
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I went to a therapy session, hoping to get some emotional support. The therapist looked at me and said, Your issues are so deep, even a wisdom saving throw couldn't save you. I'm like, Doc, I just wanted a healing potion, not a reality check!
Vicious Mockery
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You know, I tried to spice up my morning routine by giving myself some positive affirmations in the mirror. You know, like, You're amazing, you're talented, you can conquer the day! But my mirror must have taken a level in Dungeons & Dragons because all it ever says back to me is, Roll for self-esteem... oh, critical failure. You're still a disappointment.
Vicious Mockery
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I decided to try online dating, and my profile said, I'm looking for someone who can lift my spirits. Little did I know, I'd end up matched with a stand-up comedian ghost who haunts me by whispering vicious mockery in my ear every time a date goes wrong. Thanks, Tinder, for the spectral roastings.
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