bestTrending Topics
Joke Types
0
0
Ladies and gentlemen, have you ever noticed that life seems to come in two parts? Yeah, the first part is like, "Woo-hoo! I'm young, I'm energetic, I'm invincible!" And then the second part is like, "Wait, when did my back start making that sound when I stand up?" I recently had a birthday, and I realized I'm in the second part of my life. The other day, I bent down to tie my shoe, and I heard this noise that sounded like a bowl of Rice Krispies. Snap, crackle, pop. I was like, "Is that my back or the breakfast aisle at the grocery store?"
You know you're in the second part of your life when your idea of a wild Friday night is staying up past 10 p.m. And it's not because you're partying; it's because you're binge-watching a show, and you just have to find out who the killer is. Spoiler alert: it's time.
0
0
Let's talk about technology. There's the first part where you're excited about every new gadget and update. You're like, "Wow, this phone has three cameras! I can take a selfie in 3D!" And then there's the second part. Suddenly, you're yelling at your smart speaker because it can't understand your accent or arguing with your GPS because it insists on taking you through the scenic route when you just want to get home. And don't even get me started on autocorrect. I've sent texts that made no sense, and my phone was like, "Nailed it!"
Technology in the first part is like a helpful friend, and in the second part, it's like that friend who borrows your stuff and never returns it. "Oh, you wanted your privacy? Sorry, I thought you said 'share everything with the world.'
0
0
Relationships are another two-parter. In the beginning, it's all butterflies and rainbows. You're finishing each other's sentences, posting cute couple pics, and using the same toothbrush because sharing is caring. And then comes the second part. Suddenly, you're arguing about whose turn it is to take out the trash or why someone didn't reply to a text within two minutes. It's like, "Wait, where did the romance go? And why are we arguing about socks on the bedroom floor?"
They say love is about compromise. Well, in the first part, compromise means picking a restaurant both of you like. In the second part, compromise is deciding whose family you'll spend Thanksgiving with and praying it's not the crazy uncle who brings his pet snake.
0
0
Let's talk about diets. Diets also seem to have two parts. There's the part where you're super motivated, buying kale, and doing yoga. You're like, "I am a wellness warrior! I can do this!" And then there's the other part where you're knee-deep in a tub of ice cream, thinking, "Well, maybe I'll start the diet on Monday." I tried this new diet where you eat whatever you want but with tiny utensils. Yeah, it's called the "Teaspoon Technique." The theory is that if it takes you an hour to eat a slice of pizza with a tiny fork, your body burns calories from frustration.
And don't get me started on cheat days. They call it a cheat day like you're outsmarting your own body. "Hey, body, I know you want vegetables, but today we're having pizza, and you can't say anything about it!" My body's probably looking at me like, "You're not cheating on me; you're cheating yourself.
Post a Comment