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You ever notice how tailgating while driving is the closest some people come to expressing their true feelings? It's like, "I'm not tailgating you, I'm just forming a really aggressive friendship from a safe distance!
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I love how people think tailgating is a magical maneuver that makes traffic disappear. It's like they've discovered the secret cheat code to the highway game: "Up, Up, Down, Down, Speed Up, Brake, Honk, Honk, Honk.
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Tailgating is the driving equivalent of trying to speed up a slow elevator by repeatedly pressing the button. I'm pretty sure the car in front of you isn't going to magically teleport out of the way just because you're riding their bumper.
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Tailgating is like playing a game of automotive limbo – how low can you go before causing a fender bender? And no, there's no prize for winning, just a lifetime supply of insurance headaches.
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Tailgating should be an Olympic sport. I can see it now – countries competing to see who can tailgate with the perfect balance of aggression and finesse. Bonus points for creative use of the horn.
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Tailgating is the only time where being a "close follower" doesn't earn you a restraining order. It's all fun and games until you realize you've become the road's biggest backseat driver.
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You ever notice how the car behind you suddenly becomes a world-class driving coach when you're being tailgated? "Oh, you think I should speed up? Thank you, Captain Obvious, I was just planning on driving in reverse to mix things up!
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I'm convinced that tailgating is a silent form of communication. It's like our cars are engaged in a deep philosophical conversation about the meaning of personal space, and the only vocabulary we have is the gas pedal and the brake.
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Tailgating is the only time it's socially acceptable to be uncomfortably close to someone without an invitation. "Hey, we just met at the red light, and now we're practically in a carpool together!
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