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What did the teacher say to the student who didn't bring a pen to class? 'Pencil you in for detention!
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Why did the student bring a backpack full of batteries to class? Because he wanted to pass the exam with flying colors!
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Why did the student bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house!
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Why did the student bring a ladder to class? Because he wanted to go to high school!
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Why did the student do multiplication problems on the floor? The teacher told him not to use tables!
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What's a student's favorite kind of party? A multiplication party - it always multiplies the fun!
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You ever notice how teachers always say, 'There are no dumb questions'? Well, I tested that theory by asking if I could borrow a pencil for the 17th time that week. Turns out, there is such a thing as a dumb question, and apparently, it's mine.
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I told my kid's teacher that my parenting philosophy is 'organized chaos.' She said, 'That's cute. Mine is called 'controlled insanity.' I didn't have the heart to tell her that's also my approach to life.
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Parents' night is the only time I get to see my kid's teacher without them running away from me. It's like they have a sixth sense for detecting desperate parents trying to ask for extra credit for their kid's failed science project.
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I asked the teacher for advice on getting my kid to do their homework. She looked at me and said, 'Have you tried bribery?' Now, my child thinks I have an endless supply of candy, and I think I've discovered the true currency of parenting.
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I asked my kid's teacher for some tips on how to handle teenage mood swings. She handed me a bottle of wine and said, 'Good luck.' Turns out, the best classroom management strategy is a well-stocked liquor cabinet.
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Parent-teacher conferences are like a high-stakes poker game. I'm just sitting there, trying not to give away that I know my kid's biggest secret: they can do math; they're just pretending not to.
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Teachers always tell students to reach for the stars. I tried doing that in a parent-teacher meeting, and now I'm banned from the school's astronomy club. Apparently, they frown upon parents bringing in a telescope during meetings.
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I got a note from the teacher that said, 'Your child is a natural leader.' I was so proud until I realized they were leading a rebellion against the cafeteria's 'no dessert before lunch' policy. I guess we all have our causes.
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Teachers are like wizards. They magically make snacks disappear from lunchboxes, turn 'creative' excuses into detention slips, and somehow convince you that your child is the next Einstein despite failing finger-painting.
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