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Social media friendships are the new-age pen pals. You bond over memes, share life updates, and pretend you'd recognize each other on the street. "Oh, you're the one who posts cat videos! I'd recognize that cat anywhere.
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The internet has turned us into detectives with terrible attention spans. We can uncover someone's entire life story, but if the video explaining it is longer than 30 seconds, we're out. It's like, "I'm invested, but not enough to sit through a three-minute explanation. Just give me the TL;DR version.
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I love how on the internet, everyone is a self-proclaimed expert. You post about baking a cake, and suddenly there's a comment from ChefGordonRamsey420 telling you that your frosting technique is an insult to pastry chefs worldwide. Dude, I just wanted a moist cake, not a Michelin star.
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I was on a stand-up comedy subreddit the other day, and someone asked for feedback on their joke. Next thing you know, it turns into a heated debate about the proper use of semicolons. I thought I was on a comedy forum, not an English literature class. It's like, "Listen, I just want to know if 'knock knock, who's there, grammar police' is funny!
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You know you've been on the internet too long when you start ending your sentences with "LOL" in real life. I asked someone if they wanted coffee, and they responded with, "Sure, LOL." I don't think they quite understood the concept of laughter in that situation.
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You know you've hit rock bottom procrastination when you find yourself reading a post titled "The Most Useless Inventions" on Reddit. I mean, I didn't even realize there was a market for a solar-powered flashlight until I stumbled upon that thread. Who needs a flashlight that only works during the day?
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Social media has turned us all into accidental detectives. You see a photo of your friend at a party, and suddenly you're zooming in on the background to see if they're secretly a member of a secret society. "Is that a cult meeting or just a really weird book club?
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You ever notice how trying to find a consensus on the internet is like asking a group of toddlers to agree on the best flavor of ice cream? "No, my favorite is the best, and anyone who disagrees is wrong!" It's like the United Nations of opinions, but with more memes.
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The internet has made us all experts at multitasking. I can simultaneously watch a video, scroll through memes, and ignore my responsibilities like a pro. It's like my brain is juggling tasks, and the only thing dropping is my productivity.
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Have you ever noticed that online debates are like playing chess with a pigeon? No matter how logical your moves are, they're just gonna knock over the pieces, crap on the board, and strut around like they won. You can present facts and figures, but somehow they'll counter with a gif of a dancing cat.
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