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I envy those people. I need a whole bedtime routine, like I'm prepping for a space mission. Earplugs, sleep mask, lavender-scented candles—the whole shebang. Meanwhile, the Nap Ninja just closes their eyes, and poof! They're gone. I think they're onto something. Maybe they have a secret manual on how to snooze efficiently. Imagine a Nap Ninja academy, where they teach you how to nap without warning. First lesson: "The Stealth Snore." Second lesson: "Mastering the Power Nap." I'd enroll in a heartbeat.
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I once had a friend stay over, and he brought his own pillow, his own blanket, and I'm pretty sure he tried to sneak in his own mattress under his coat. I was waiting for him to ask, "Do you mind if I install blackout curtains in your windows?" And then there's the morning after, when they wake up and act like they've just conquered Mount Dreammore. They emerge from their couch cocoon, tousled hair and all, and they're like, "Ah, that was the best night's sleep ever!" Meanwhile, I've been on the floor with a sore back.
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I knew this guy who would sleepwalk to work. True story. He'd wake up at his desk, look around, and go, "How did I get here?" Well, I don't know, maybe because you're a professional sleepwalker with a 9 to 5 gig. I imagine him getting sleep-promotions: "Congratulations, you're now the VP of Napping Operations." His sleepwalking route even had a coffee break at the imaginary water cooler. It's like, buddy, if you're going to sleepwalk your way through life, at least dream big. Maybe sleepwalk into a vacation or a winning lottery ticket.
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You know, there's a special talent to it. It's not just about sleeping; it's about doing it anywhere, anytime. I'm surprised these people don't carry around their own personal mattresses. It's like, "Hold on, let me unfold my sleep pod right here in the middle of the subway platform." I tried it once. I brought a sleeping bag to a job interview. They said, "Where do you see yourself in five years?" I said, "Right here, in my sleeping bag, catching some Zs.
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