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You ever try to cancel a subscription online? It's like they're testing your commitment. "Are you sure? What if we throw in a discount? No? Fine, but we'll miss you. Click here to reconsider." It's like breaking up with a clingy ex.
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I love how restaurants have a "we deliver in 30 minutes or it's free" policy. Do they think they're competing in the pizza Olympics? "Sorry, sir, your order is late, but you just won a complimentary salad. Congratulations!
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Dry cleaners have a sign that says, "Same-day service available." I tried it once; apparently, they interpret "same day" as "the day you will start questioning if you even own that shirt anymore.
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I hired a cleaning service, and they left a note saying they couldn't reach some areas. I didn't realize I was hiring a cleaning service with commitment issues. Maybe I need to install stepstools strategically around my house.
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I called tech support, and they asked for my email address to send a confirmation. If they can't fix my issue, at least I'll have a confirmation email for the emotional trauma I've been through. "Dear user, we're sorry we couldn't help, but here's a virtual pat on the back. Keep trying.
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Have you ever noticed that when you're on hold with customer service, they play the most calming music? It's like they're trying to apologize for the impending frustration. "Your call is important to us, so please enjoy this elevator music while we figure out what went wrong.
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I used a car service app the other day, and the estimated arrival time kept changing. It was like watching a weather forecast during a tornado. "Your ride will be here in 5 minutes, scratch that, 10 minutes, actually make it 3 minutes and a possible detour to Mars.
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You ever notice how when you call customer service, they always tell you that your call is important to them? If my call was so important, they'd answer before I start rehearsing my one-man show.
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I ordered a package online, and they gave me a tracking number. It's like they want me to be a part-time detective. I'm refreshing that tracking page more often than I check my social media. Sherlock Holmes wishes he had this much information.
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Have you ever noticed how when you call a helpline, they ask you to state your problem, and then they proceed to repeat it back to you? I called about my internet, not to check if I remembered what I said five seconds ago. "Yes, I know my Wi-Fi is as slow as a turtle on a coffee break.
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