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Geography class really prepared me for life. Now, when someone asks me where a country is, I confidently point to the general direction and hope for the best. It's all about that global intuition.
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Home Economics made me think I'd be a culinary genius. Now, the only thing I can confidently cook is instant noodles. I'm like the Shakespeare of ramen – a culinary masterpiece with minimal effort.
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Raise your hand if you've ever felt personally victimized by a math problem. Yeah, math is the only place where someone can buy 70 watermelons, and no one asks, "Why?" The answer is probably just "Because math said so.
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Art class taught me that beauty is subjective. I once painted a masterpiece, and my teacher called it "abstract." Yeah, abstract is just a fancy word for "I don't get it, but it's colorful.
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Physical education made me realize I had two left feet. I'd try to dribble a basketball, and it would end up looking like I was trying to summon rain with a dance. I've accepted that my coordination is on vacation permanently.
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Physics is like the Gandalf of school subjects. You never really understand what's going on, and just when you think you do, it hits you with a "You shall not pass!" moment. I swear, I'm still waiting for my physics teacher to show up with a long white beard and a staff.
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You know, they say history repeats itself. Well, I must have been absent that day because I keep making the same mistakes. History class was basically a preview of my future regrets.
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English class taught me that a dangling participle is a bad thing. But honestly, I've been dangling my participles for years, and I've turned out just fine. I think they were just jealous of my rebellious syntax.
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Remember when they told us in school that cursive writing was essential for our future? Well, my future is here, and the only time I use cursive is when I'm signing my name on the credit card receipt. It's like a secret code that even I can't decipher.
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