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The Fitness Guru
Balancing the love for running with the temptation of a cheat day.
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They say, "No pain, no gain." I say, "No pain, no pizza." I mean, have you tried running on a full stomach? It's a workout in itself, and it builds character—mostly around the waistline.
The Shoe Salesperson
Trying to convince customers that running shoes are the solution to all of life's problems.
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A lady once asked me, "Will these shoes make me happy?" I replied, "Well, they say money can't buy happiness, but it can buy running shoes, and that's pretty close.
The Couch Potato
Trying to understand why anyone would willingly run when they can binge-watch TV.
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My doctor told me I need to exercise more. I asked, "Does changing the channel count?" He said, "No, but maybe if you run while you do it." I thought, "Yeah, right. I'll be the first person to injure themselves watching Netflix.
The Non-Runner
Dealing with the pressure to start running and pretending to be interested.
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Someone told me, "Running is a great way to clear your mind." I tried it and found out my mind is clearer when I'm sitting on the couch with a bag of chips, not when I'm gasping for air in running shoes.
The Pet Owner
Trying to get a dog to appreciate the concept of running.
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Bought my dog some little doggy running shoes. He looked at them, then at me, like, "If you think I'm wearing those, you're barking up the wrong tree." Now they're just cute miniature shoes for my very unathletic dog.
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