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You ever try to mimic Joe Rogan's intense workout routines? Yeah, me neither. The only thing I'm lifting is a bag of chips to my mouth during his interviews with nutritionists.
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Speaking of Rogan, have you ever tried to explain to someone who doesn't listen to his podcast what an 'alpha brain' is? It's like trying to explain Instagram to a cat. You know they're not getting it, but you keep going anyway.
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You know you've been listening to too much Rogan when you start questioning if your cat is actually an undercover CIA agent. "Why does Mr. Whiskers stare at me like that? Is he onto me?
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They say Joe Rogan can have a conversation with anyone about anything. Meanwhile, I'm over here struggling to keep a conversation going about the weather for more than a minute.
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I'm convinced Joe Rogan's voice is the secret ingredient in every protein shake. You drink it, and suddenly you feel the urge to discuss DMT and martial arts in the same breath.
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You ever notice how Joe Rogan's podcast episodes are longer than most of my relationships? I mean, by the time I finish one episode, I could've swiped right, swiped left, and had three breakups on Tinder.
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I tried listening to Rogan's podcast while jogging once. Ended up stopping after five minutes because I realized I'd rather run from my problems than listen to a two-hour deep dive on elk meat.
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Ever notice how Joe Rogan's guests always have some wild story about survival or overcoming adversity? Meanwhile, my biggest accomplishment this week was figuring out how to microwave pizza rolls without burning the roof of my mouth.
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I was listening to Rogan talk about the mysteries of the universe the other day. You know what's more mysterious? How I lose a sock every time I do laundry. Maybe Joe should have a physicist on to explain that.
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