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You ever notice how bike seats are like the rodeo for your butt? You hop on, and suddenly you're trying to stay on this wild, two-wheeled beast, desperately clinging on for dear life, hoping you don't get bucked off!
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I was on a crowded bus the other day, and it hit me - public transportation is the only place where the term "stranger danger" turns into "stranger awkwardly close." I mean, we're all just riding this metal tube together, avoiding eye contact like it's an Olympic sport.
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I tried using one of those stationary bikes at the gym, and after five minutes, I realized it's just a less fun version of a real bike. It's like going to a restaurant and ordering a picture of food – sure, you're technically doing it, but it's just not the same.
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Why do we call it a "bike lane"? It's more like a game of Frogger for cyclists. You're dodging pedestrians, avoiding cars trying to squeeze in, and praying that pothole doesn't swallow your front wheel. It's not a lane; it's a survival course.
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The other day, I saw someone riding a unicycle, and I thought, "Now there's a person who's truly committed to making life more difficult for themselves." I can barely handle two wheels; I can't imagine the circus act it takes to navigate on just one.
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Bike helmets are the only fashion accessory that screams, "I value my brain, but I also want to look like a dork." It's like trying to find the perfect balance between safety and not being mistaken for an alien on wheels.
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Riding a bike is the only time where going downhill is simultaneously the best and scariest part of the journey. It's like a rollercoaster without the safety harness – just pure, unfiltered adrenaline and a prayer that your brakes are up for the challenge.
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Riding a bike in the rain is like playing a real-life Mario Kart level. You're slipping, sliding, and desperately trying not to end up in a puddle, all while secretly hoping a rainbow-colored shell doesn't come flying your way.
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I bought a new bike recently, and the salesperson told me it had 21 speeds. I thought, "Great, now I have 21 different ways to struggle going uphill." It's like a choose-your-own-adventure, and they all end with me out of breath and regretting my life choices.
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