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You know, in retrospect, Robert Palmer was like the original Tinder swiper. I mean, "Addicted to Love" was basically his profile picture. Swipe right if you're ready for a relationship with a guy who's surrounded by women with the emotional range of a brick wall. Imagine if he had a Tinder bio: "Robert, 40. Singer, songwriter, and collector of stoic models. Looking for someone who can match my intensity, or lack thereof. Swipe right if you're not addicted to emotions."
I bet his first date was interesting. He walks in, sees a girl smiling, and immediately swipes left in real life.
"Sorry, I only date people with a poker face. Can you try to look more disinterested, please?"
But hey, at least he was honest about his addiction to love. Most people on dating apps just pretend they're addicted to hiking.
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Let's talk about Robert Palmer's music video for "Addicted to Love." I'm convinced those models had some secret pact to never smile. It's like they took a solemn oath before the shoot: Model #1: "I swear on my stilettos, I will not crack a smile."
Model #2: "May my mascara run if I show any joy."
And then there's Robert, singing his heart out, surrounded by this army of fashion Terminators. I bet during breaks, they were like, "Remember, ladies, emotions are for amateurs."
I can't help but imagine what was going on in their minds. Robert's trying to be all romantic, and they're probably thinking about their grocery lists or plotting world domination.
And those guitar moves they had? It's like they were in a synchronized dance of "We're too cool to care." I bet the choreographer was like, "Okay, ladies, let's practice looking disinterested. Perfect, nailed it!"
It's the only music video where you question if the models are actually alive. Maybe Robert was trying to save on payroll—hire models and statues in one go.
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You guys remember Robert Palmer? The man who claimed he was "Addicted to Love." I mean, really, Robert? I'm addicted to coffee, maybe chocolate, but love? That's setting the bar pretty high. I imagine him going to a support group. "I'm Robert, and I'm addicted to love."
The group responds, "Hi, Robert!"
I can just picture his sponsor saying, "Robert, you need to cut out those love binges. No more romantic comedies for you!"
But seriously, the man had a point. Have you seen that music video? He's surrounded by these stone-faced models playing guitars. It's like a fashion show meets a robot uprising. I bet he was regretting his life choices at that moment.
"Can we get some emotion here? Anyone? No? Okay, stoic it is."
I wonder if he ever tried to break free from his addiction. Maybe he went to Love Anonymous and said, "Hi, I'm Robert, and I haven't fallen in love for 72 hours." The group would give him a standing ovation.
So, next time someone says they're addicted to love, just remember, it's not as easy as checking into rehab. Maybe they should start a dating app for recovering love addicts. "Swipe right to cure my addiction.
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Now, after "Addicted to Love," Robert Palmer came out with another hit, "Simply Irresistible." I'm starting to think he had a thing for unattainable women. Maybe his next song would have been "Complicated and Unavailable." But seriously, "Simply Irresistible" had a music video with even more models, and this time, they were smiling. I guess he realized the stone-faced approach wasn't working. It's like he discovered emotions exist.
I wonder if he was backstage giving a pep talk to the models. "Ladies, today we're breaking the no-smile rule. It's a bold move, but I believe in us. Let's show the world we can express joy."
And the models were probably thinking, "Wait, we're allowed to smile? Is this a trap?"
But hey, credit to Robert for evolving. He went from "Addicted to Love" to "Simply Irresistible," proving that even in the '80s, people could change. Or maybe he just found a new addiction—smiles. Watch out, Robert, too much happiness can be habit-forming.
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