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Adulting is the ultimate test of resistance. Like, why do I have to resist the urge to eat ice cream for breakfast? If I want ice cream at 9 a.m., who's gonna stop me? The responsible adult inside me, that's who. "You can't have ice cream for breakfast," it says. Well, watch me, responsible adult, watch me! And bills? I resist paying them like they're optional. I play this game where I hide them in a drawer and pretend they don't exist. Spoiler alert: they do, and so does the late fee.
I also resist adulting by pretending I have it all together. My sock drawer might be a mess, but my Instagram says otherwise. Filters aren't just for photos; they're for life.
Resisting adulting is a full-time job. Can I put that on my tax return under "Occupation"? "Resisting adult responsibilities: full-time slacker.
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I've also mastered the art of resisting productivity. I mean, why do today what you can put off until tomorrow, right? My to-do list is like a list of suggestions that I choose to ignore. The dishes in the sink? Oh, they're just marinating for enhanced flavor. It's called advanced culinary procrastination. I resist productivity like it's my part-time job. I've got a PhD in finding creative ways to avoid doing anything remotely useful. I've even thought about putting "procrastinator" on my resume, but then I remembered I'd have to update my resume, and that's just too much effort.
And let's talk about the gym. I'm a pro at resisting the gym. I drive past it every day, giving it the side-eye like, "Not today, gym, not today." My idea of a workout is resisting the gravitational pull of my couch during a Netflix marathon.
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Have you ever tried resisting the urge to buy the latest gadget? It's like the tech gods are testing our willpower. They come out with the newest, shiniest thing, and we're supposed to resist? I'm over here telling myself, "I don't need the latest iPhone. My current one still makes calls... sometimes." But resisting technology is harder than resisting a sale at a shoe store. They make it so tempting! "Upgrade now for only five easy payments and a kidney." I'm like, "Take my money and my vital organs!"
And don't even get me started on social media. I resist the urge to check it, but then FOMO kicks in, and suddenly I'm knee-deep in my ex's cousin's vacation photos, questioning all my life choices.
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You ever find yourself resisting things you know you shouldn't do? Like, I know I should resist the urge to eat that entire pizza by myself, but my willpower has the strength of a wet noodle. I'm over here thinking, "I can resist anything except temptation, and maybe Brussels sprouts." You know, resisting is like trying to hold in a sneeze. You feel it coming, you know it's gonna happen, but you're desperately trying to keep it inside. It's the same with resisting that extra slice of cake. I'm like, "I can do this. I can resist." But then the cake looks at me with those frosting eyes, and all bets are off.
And don't get me started on resisting the urge to check my phone in the middle of the night. I tell myself, "I'm just gonna check the time," but suddenly I'm knee-deep in memes and cat videos at 3 a.m. My phone has this magical power to make time disappear. It's like a time-traveling vortex that only goes forward to tomorrow's regret.
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