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The word on the street is that we should all drink eight glasses of water a day. I tried that, and now I spend half my day in the bathroom. It's like my bladder has a personal vendetta against my productivity. I should have negotiated a better deal with my internal hydration union.
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The word on the street is that people love to give advice. I asked for directions once, and suddenly I had life tips, relationship advice, and the secret to perfect scrambled eggs. Dude, I just wanted to know where the nearest coffee shop is, not a crash course in existential philosophy.
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Have you ever noticed the word on the street about diets? One day it's all kale smoothies and quinoa, and the next day it's "I found the best taco place." It's like my taste buds are on a rollercoaster, and my diet is just along for the ride, screaming.
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I heard the word on the street is that you can tell a lot about a person by the shoes they wear. Well, let me tell you, if that's true, I must be a complex novel with a plot twist because my shoes can't decide if they're sneakers or business casual. They're like, "Are we running a marathon or attending a board meeting? Who knows!
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They say the word on the street is that laughter is the best medicine. Well, I don't know who's spreading that prescription, but they've clearly never tried chocolate. I've never seen anyone frown while eating chocolate. Unless it's dark chocolate - that's an acquired taste, and I'm still working on acquiring it.
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You ever hear the word on the street about multitasking? Apparently, it's the key to success. Well, let me tell you, I tried cooking dinner, answering emails, and listening to a podcast all at once. The result? I burnt the pasta, sent an email to my boss with "blah blah blah" as the subject, and have no idea what the podcast was about. Multitasking: 0, Me: -10.
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You ever notice the word on the street changes faster than the weather? I mean, one day it's all, "Did you hear about Dave's promotion?" and the next day it's "Did you hear about Dave's demotion?" Man, Dave can't catch a break, and neither can the weatherman.
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You know, they say "word on the street," but have you ever noticed that the street is just full of gossip? I mean, the sidewalk's practically a runway for rumors. I walked down the street, and suddenly I knew more about my neighbor's cat than I did about my own life!
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You ever notice the word on the street is that everyone is a food critic? I brought my homemade cookies to the office, and suddenly I had a room full of Gordon Ramsays. "These cookies lack finesse." Oh, sorry, I didn't realize we were hosting a baking championship in the breakroom.
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