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You ever notice how when you're trying to quietly open a bag of chips in the middle of the night, it sounds like a construction site in your own kitchen? I swear, those chip bags have a built-in alarm system that only activates after midnight.
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Ever notice that your phone battery is like a cat? It always decides to play dead when you need it the most. "Oh, you have an important call? Let me just gracefully bow out of this one and take a little nap.
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Why is it that the sock monster always seems to target just one sock from each pair in the laundry? Is there a sock rebellion happening in the washing machine that we don't know about? Maybe they're forming their own exclusive sock society.
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You know you're an adult when your idea of a wild Friday night is rearranging the furniture in your living room. It's like playing real-life Tetris, but with a stubborn sofa that refuses to fit anywhere.
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Have you ever noticed that the odds of hitting the snooze button increase exponentially based on how important your morning plans are? "Oh, I have a meeting in 10 minutes? Time to set a new world record for consecutive snoozes.
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Have you ever tried to hold in a sneeze during a super serious meeting? It's like playing a high-stakes game of silent karate in your own head. You end up looking like you're auditioning for a role in a sneeze-free action movie.
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I love how we all pretend to understand the purpose of the random buttons on our microwaves. "Defrost by weight"? I just want my leftover pizza warm, not a physics lesson on the thermal dynamics of cheese.
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Why do we call it a "sleeping bag"? It's not like it's a magical bag that makes you sleep better. If anything, it should be called a "contortionist cocoon" because getting in and out of those things requires the flexibility of a gymnast.
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Do you ever feel like your GPS is just a passive-aggressive backseat driver? "In 500 feet, turn right... finally. I thought we were going to take the scenic route through the entire city.
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Can we talk about the conspiracy of Tupperware disappearing lids? I'm convinced there's a secret society of Tupperware lids plotting against us. You put them in the cabinet, and the next thing you know, they've vanished into thin air. Maybe they have their own Tupperware Bermuda Triangle.
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