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Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything, including warm hugs.
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Why don't secrets last in the refrigerator? Because the veggies always spill the beans.
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Why did the blanket go to therapy? It had too many issues with its comfort zone.
Warm Pockets, Cold Heart
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They say it's important to have a warm heart. I have a warm pocket. It's where I keep my phone. But I'm starting to think it's not working because my heart still feels like it's stuck in the freezer section of life. Maybe I need to upgrade to a heated phone case.
Warm Fuzzies or Just Gas?
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People talk about getting warm fuzzies when they're happy. I tried it once, and all I got was heartburn. Maybe it's not warmth; maybe it's just gas. Next time someone tells you they're feeling warm fuzzies, hand them an antacid and see if that does the trick.
Warm Hugs, Cold Shoulders
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They say a warm hug can fix anything. Well, I tried hugging my problems away, and now I'm banned from three different support groups. Turns out, not everyone appreciates a warm embrace when discussing tax returns.
Warm is Relative
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They say first impressions are important, right? Well, I tried giving a warm handshake once, and the other person looked at me like I just handed them a melted popsicle. Turns out, warm is a relative term. Next time, I'll stick to the good old room temperature handshake.
Microwaving My Love Life
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My love life is like a microwave. It starts off warm, then heats up for a bit, and eventually, you're left wondering if it's overcooked or just burnt to a crisp. Maybe I should start using the 'defrost' button instead of going full power from the get-go.
Warm Smiles, Cold Stares
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They tell you to greet people with a warm smile. I tried that once, and the guy at the DMV looked at me like I just stole his lunch. Note to self: in some places, a warm smile is considered a criminal offense.
The Warm Welcome
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You ever notice how people say they give you a warm welcome? Like, what's a warm welcome anyway? Are they going to hand you a cup of coffee and a blanket at the door? Come on in, here's a latte, and feel free to cozy up with this throw blanket. We're all about hospitality here!
Soup as a Love Language
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They say the way to a person's heart is through their stomach. Well, I've been making a lot of soup lately. Not because I'm a culinary genius, but because it's the only thing I can't burn. I figure if love doesn't work out, at least I have a shot at winning a soup competition.
Warm Weather Woes
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I love when they say it's a warm day outside. Warm? I stepped outside, and it felt like I entered a sauna with a side of hot yoga. I'm not sweating; I'm marinating. I walked to my car, and by the time I got there, I was officially slow-roasted.
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