4 Jokes For Warhammer

Standup-Comedy Bits

Updated on: Aug 09 2024

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So, Warhammer has this ridiculously deep lore. I mean, it's like trying to understand the plot of a soap opera that's been running for a thousand years. You've got Space Marines, Chaos, Orks – it's like someone threw every sci-fi and fantasy concept into a blender and hit puree.
I tried reading up on it, thinking I'd get the hang of it. But after an hour, I was more confused than a chameleon in a bag of Skittles. And then there are these super fans who can recite the entire Warhammer history like it's the Pledge of Allegiance. I asked one guy to explain it to me, and he started talking about warp storms, primarchs, and something called the Emperor. I felt like I needed a PhD in geekology just to follow the conversation.
Warhammer brings people together in the oddest ways. You find these groups of people huddled in basements, garages, or some secret lair plotting the downfall of imaginary empires. It's like a secret society, but instead of secret handshakes, they're rolling dice.
And the camaraderie is incredible until you start arguing about rules. Nothing divides friends faster than a dispute over whether an orc's axe can cleave through a tank or not. Suddenly, it's not just a game; it's a courtroom drama, and everyone's got their own interpretation of the rulebook. You'd think we were negotiating a peace treaty with the level of intensity in these debates.
You ever notice how Warhammer isn't just a game; it's a financial commitment? It's like they should include a financial advisor with every starter set. You start with a basic set, and then suddenly you find yourself taking out a second mortgage to buy a limited edition golden Space Marine. It's like, "Congratulations, you're now the proud owner of a small army and a big debt."
I once joked to my wife that Warhammer is an investment. She didn't find it as funny as I did. I mean, who needs a savings account when you can have a shelf full of beautifully painted, yet financially questionable, miniatures?
You ever notice how they call it "Warhammer"? Like, what were they thinking when they named it? Were they just sitting around going, "You know what the world needs? A game that combines the thrill of war with the subtlety of, oh, I don't know, a hammer!" I mean, why not just call it "Battle Sledge" and be done with it?
And let's talk about those miniatures. People spend hours meticulously painting these tiny soldiers, and for what? To reenact battles that last longer than some actual wars! I tried getting into it once. Spent a week painting this one miniature. Then, during the first battle, my friend accidentally knocked it off the table. It was like witnessing the fall of Rome in miniature form. Picasso would have wept.

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