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You guys ever notice how everything these days has to go viral? I mean, even my grandma thinks she needs to be on TikTok. I walked into her house the other day, and she's there with her phone, trying to dance like she's 16 again. I'm like, "Grandma, slow down, you're gonna break a hip, not the internet!" And speaking of going viral, it's not always a good thing. I posted a video of me sneezing once, thinking it would be funny. Next thing I know, I'm the face of a new allergy medication. I'm like, "Great, now I'm the guy people associate with uncontrollable sneezing. Thanks, internet!
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So, I tried this new viral diet where you only eat foods that are trending. First day, I had avocado toast. Second day, I was on a strict kale smoothie regimen. By the third day, I was just eating air because apparently, oxygen was the latest superfood. And don't even get me started on those influencers who claim to have the secret to weight loss. They're like, "Just drink this magical tea, and the pounds will melt away." Yeah, right! I tried that tea, and the only thing melting away was my trust in Instagram wellness gurus.
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You know what's causing a lot of conflict these days? Social media. I mean, it's like a war out there, but instead of guns, people are using memes and hashtags. I got into a heated debate the other day over whether pineapple belongs on pizza. It got so intense; I had to unfriend my own mom. Sorry, Mom, but I can't associate with people who think fruit and pizza belong in the same sentence. And then there's cancel culture. You say one wrong thing, and suddenly you're canceled. I tried canceling my gym membership once, and they acted like I committed a crime. I'm like, "Relax, it's not you; it's me... and my love for pizza with pineapple.
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You ever notice how doctors now ask if it's okay to film your surgery for educational purposes? Like, hold up, Doc, I just wanted my appendix removed, not audition for Grey's Anatomy. I don't need to go viral on the operating table. And what's the deal with medical TikTok? I saw a video of a doctor doing a dance while explaining heart surgery. I'm sorry, but I don't want my surgeon doing the cha-cha while holding a scalpel. Save the dance moves for the dance floor, not the operating room.
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