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Why did the umbrella get a promotion? Because it was outstanding in its field!
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Why don't umbrellas ever get invited to play cards? They always fold under pressure.
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What did one umbrella say to the other during a storm? 'Wanna go under-cover together?
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What do you call an umbrella that always borrows money? A parasol-digger!
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I bought a new umbrella the other day with a lifetime warranty. I thought, 'Great, now I have an umbrella that will outlast my relationships.' I mean, at least the umbrella won't leave me for a better-looking raincoat.
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I lost my umbrella the other day, and I realized it's the only possession that has an emotional attachment. I mean, I don't mourn the loss of socks the way I mourn the loss of an umbrella. It's like losing a loyal, slightly dysfunctional friend.
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Have you ever noticed how umbrella sizes are so misleading? I bought a golf umbrella thinking it would cover me and my clubs. Turns out, it barely covers me and a moderately sized houseplant. Maybe it's time to start playing mini-golf with mini-umbrellas.
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Umbrellas are like the unsung heroes of the rain. They shield us from downpours, protect us from unexpected showers, and yet, we treat them like second-class citizens. It's time we give umbrellas the credit they deserve – the real MVPs of stormy weather.
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Umbrellas are the only fashion accessory that makes you look sophisticated until it decides to do the cha-cha in a gust of wind. Suddenly, you're battling with it like it's a misbehaving pet, and everyone around you is wondering if you're in a dance-off with Mother Nature.
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I tried sharing an umbrella with someone once. It's like attempting synchronized swimming with a reluctant partner. You end up stepping on each other's toes, poking each other in the eye with the metal spokes, and realizing that maybe personal space is waterproof after all.
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Umbrellas and I have a love-hate relationship. I love the idea of staying dry, but my umbrella seems to have commitment issues. It's always finding new and creative ways to break up with me, especially when I need it the most.
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I don't trust those fancy, high-tech umbrellas with built-in GPS and weather updates. I mean, I just want an umbrella, not a personal meteorologist. I don't need my umbrella judging me for not dressing appropriately for the chance of precipitation.
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Umbrellas are like optimism in a rainstorm - you open them up, and suddenly everything looks a little brighter. Unless it's a windy day, then you're just Mary Poppins auditioning for a kite-flying role.
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