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You ever notice how every time you go to the grocery store, they're playing Springsteen? I mean, is there something about buying broccoli and toilet paper that screams "Born in the USA"? I went to get some milk the other day, and suddenly I felt like I was on a mission to save the world. And you can't just casually shop to Springsteen; it's like a marathon. You find yourself in the produce section, and "Dancing in the Dark" comes on. Now you're swaying between the cucumbers, trying to look casual while reaching for that ripe avocado.
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I love Springsteen, but I've come to realize he's infiltrated every part of my life, including my morning routine. It's like he's the background music for my entire existence. The other day, I was in the shower, belting out "Born to Run" like I was in the middle of a stadium performance. I mean, I'm just trying to wash my hair, but suddenly, I'm a rock star with a shampoo microphone. And you know what's worse? When you're in the middle of a shampoo mohawk and realize you're not alone. I caught my cat staring at me like, "Really? Born to run? More like born to weird.
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You know, I was listening to Bruce Springsteen the other day, you know, "The Boss." And it hit me, why does he sing about all these epic struggles and working-class heroes, but he never tackles the real issue - the workplace bathroom situation? I mean, I can't be the only one here who's faced the dilemma of deciding whether to use the bathroom and risk a meeting running long, or just hold it and endure the dance of desperation. I can imagine a Springsteen song about it now: "Born to Pee," the anthem of every office worker fighting against the tyranny of limited bathroom breaks. Picture it, a chorus of disgruntled employees belting out, "Trapped in a cubicle, can't you see, I was born to pee!
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So, I tried using Springsteen to set the mood on a date. You know, a little "I'm on Fire" to spice things up. But let me tell you, there's nothing romantic about Bruce Springsteen's voice in the background when you're trying to impress someone. I'm there, attempting to be all smooth, and Springsteen's in the back like, "Hey baby, we were born to run...away from this awkward situation." Note to self: Springsteen might not be the best wingman, but at least I can blame "The Boss" for my dating disasters.
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