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You ever notice how sister-in-laws are masters of psychological warfare? They have this way of asking questions that make you question your entire existence. Like, "Oh, you're still working at that job?" Yeah, Karen, I am, and I'm also still trying to figure out why you think it's any of your business. And don't even get me started on the compliments that aren't really compliments. "You're so brave for wearing that outfit." Translation: "I can't believe you left the house looking like that, but good for you for not caring."
I've started practicing responses in the mirror just to be prepared. "Oh, this old thing? I just threw it on. It's a new fashion trend called 'I don't have time for your judgment.'
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Can we talk about the gift wars that happen during the holidays with sister-in-laws? It's like a battle of who can give the most impressive or thoughtful gift. It's not even about the joy of giving; it's about proving that you're the better gift-giver. Last Christmas, my sister-in-law gave me this fancy, personalized, engraved pen. I'm thinking, "Great, now I have a pen that's worth more than my car." I didn't even know people still used pens. I felt like I needed to sign my name in gold calligraphy after that.
So, this year, I decided to up my game. I got her a pet rock. Yeah, a pet rock. I figured, if she's going to give me something I'll never use, I'll give her something that doesn't require batteries, won't make a mess, and is virtually indestructible. Let's see her top that next year.
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You know, I was thinking about starting a support group called "Sister-In-Laws Anonymous." I mean, come on, if there's anything that needs a support group, it's the unique experience of dealing with your sister-in-law. It's like joining a secret society you never wanted to be a part of. You walk into the meetings, and everyone's sitting there in a circle, nervously sipping their coffee. The first rule of Sister-In-Laws Anonymous is you do not talk about your sister-in-law at family gatherings. We're trying to keep the peace here, people!
But seriously, why is it that whenever my sister-in-law comes over, it's like the tension level goes up by 1000%? It's like we're all on high alert, waiting for the next awkward comment or unsolicited advice. I'm just waiting for the day when they hand out instruction manuals for dealing with your sister-in-law at the wedding ceremony.
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Can we talk about the family photos at gatherings with sister-in-laws? It's like trying to organize a group of toddlers hopped up on sugar. You're just trying to get a nice, normal photo, but someone's always blinking, someone's making a weird face, and your sister-in-law is insisting on a retake because her angle wasn't just right. And then there's the classic, "Let's take a candid shot." Newsflash: if you're staging a candid shot, it's not candid anymore. It's just a bunch of adults pretending to have spontaneous, joyful moments while secretly plotting revenge against the person who suggested the candid shot in the first place.
I've started a new tradition where I intentionally ruin every candid shot. Photobombing is my superpower now. You want a candid moment? You're getting me in the background making a silly face. Enjoy the memories, sister-in-law. Enjoy the memories.
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