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Hey, everybody! So, I was at this fancy restaurant the other day, you know the kind where they use words like "quinoa" and "artisanal" on the menu? Yeah, I'm convinced they just make those words up to see if we're paying attention. Anyway, I'm looking at the menu, trying to act all sophisticated, and I see this dish called "Seizure Salad." Yeah, you heard me right, "Seizure Salad." Now, I don't know about you, but I like my salads without a side of epilepsy. I'm thinking, "What kind of ingredients do they put in this thing?" Is it the dressing that causes the seizures, or maybe it's the lettuce doing the cha-cha with the croutons? I asked the waiter, and he's like, "No, sir, it's just a Caesar Salad." Oh, okay, that makes more sense. I was about to call an ambulance.
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You know what I don't understand? People who take selfies in the middle of a busy street. I saw this guy the other day, completely oblivious to the world, holding up traffic just to get that perfect angle. I'm sitting there thinking, "Dude, your selfie game is not worth causing a traffic seizure." And don't get me started on the filters. They've got filters that make you look like a cat, a dog, or even a pancake. What's next, a filter that makes you look like you're mid-seizure? I can already see the caption: "Just seizing the moment, literally." I mean, come on, people, let's not turn the sidewalk into a selfie war zone.
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I recently read that stress can trigger seizures. So, naturally, I'm trying to seizure-proof my life. I've taken up meditation, tried yoga, and even considered becoming a hermit in the mountains. But let me tell you, meditation is harder than it looks. I'm sitting there, trying to clear my mind, and all I can think about is whether I left the stove on. Yoga? I've pulled more muscles trying to touch my toes than I care to admit. And becoming a hermit? Well, I like indoor plumbing too much for that. So now, I've decided to embrace the chaos. If life wants to throw seizures my way, I'll be the seizure superhero, ready to face them head-on. Bring it on, life, I've got my salad, selfies, and technology-proof cape ready!
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Have you noticed that every time you get a software update on your phone, it's like a little surprise party for your apps? They're all excited, jumping around, having a good time. Meanwhile, I'm just trying to send a text, and my phone is having a techno-seizure. I swear, these updates are designed to make us question our sanity. "Oh, you liked the old layout? Well, let's just flip everything around and see how you handle it." It's like my phone is trying to give me a seizure just to keep things interesting. I miss the days when a phone was just a phone. Now it's a seizure-inducing, pocket-sized computer with a side of anxiety.
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