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Why did the SEC investigator bring a ladder to work? For those high-level investigations!
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What's an SEC officer's favorite type of bread? Compliance toast - it's always in line with regulations!
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Why did the securities analyst bring a flashlight to work? To shed some light on those dark markets!
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What did one SEC officer say to the other about the market? 'We've got to stay bullish on these !'
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Why did the investor bring a pencil to the SEC meeting? To jot down those stock exchange !
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Why did the banker bring a ruler to the SEC meeting? To measure up to those strict financial standards!
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I had a job interview at a cyber-security firm, and when I mentioned my password was 'password123,' the interviewer fell off their chair. Guess I didn't get the job, but hey, my password's a hit!
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I tried to impress my date by taking her to a high-security restaurant. Turns out, they were serious about their dress code. I showed up in flip-flops and got escorted out faster than you can say 'fashion faux pas.'
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The security guard at my gym takes his job way too seriously. I forgot my membership card once, and he was ready to call in the SWAT team! Dude, it's just cardio, not a national security breach!
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Home security systems are incredible these days. I accidentally set off mine trying to sneak in late after a night out. Suddenly, I'm face-to-face with my vacuum cleaner, who clearly misunderstood its role as a 'guard dog.'
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Ever had your phone's facial recognition fail on you? Yeah, I tried to unlock mine after a long-haul flight and it thought I was a Picasso painting! Note to self: invest in a good night's sleep before using technology.
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The security system on my laptop is so sensitive, I accidentally coughed while trying to unlock it, and it threatened to wipe out my entire hard drive! I didn't realize my laptop was auditioning for 'Mission: Impossible.'
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Security at the mall is so tight, I tried to leave with a shopping cart, and suddenly I'm a suspect in a grand theft auto case!
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Online security measures are getting intense. I tried to log in to my own account, got asked for a fingerprint, retinal scan, and a DNA sample! I just wanted to see my cat videos, not start a forensic investigation!
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You know you're getting old when you go through airport security and they ask if you have any metal on you, and you're like, 'Well, I've got a hip replacement, does that count?'
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