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Why did the sanitizer cross the road? To kill 99.9% of the germs on the other side!
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Did you hear about the hand sanitizer that won the award? It was outstanding in its field!
Sanitizer: The Unsung Hero of My Social Life
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You know you've hit rock bottom when your most intimate relationship is with a bottle of sanitizer. I mean, forget Tinder; my sanitizer and I have been going steady for months. It even leaves me with that tingly feeling, although I'm pretty sure that's just the 99.9% of germs it claims to kill.
Sanitizer: My Substitute for Human Interaction
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I've started using sanitizer to greet people instead of handshakes. You know you've crossed a line when you extend your hand, and people instinctively recoil like you're about to cast a spell on them. Maybe I am – the spell of cleanliness.
Sanitizer: The Only Thing Getting a Hand These Days
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I've come to realize that my hands are getting more action than I am lately, all thanks to sanitizer. I should start introducing it as my wingman. This is my friend Sanitizer, he's great at breaking the ice, or should I say, killing the ice-cold viruses.
Sanitizer: Because Soap and Water Have a Union Break
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I've become so reliant on sanitizer that I'm starting to feel betrayed by soap and water. I mean, where were they when I needed a quick cleanse in the middle of the grocery store? Sanitizer never takes a union break; it's always ready for action.
Sanitizer: The Cure for Awkward Hugs
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Hugs have become so awkward these days. I've started pretending to reach for my sanitizer every time someone goes in for a hug. It's the perfect way to dodge the physical contact while maintaining the illusion that I'm just really committed to hygiene.
Sanitizer: The MVP of My 2020 Survival Kit
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If 2020 were a survival reality show, sanitizer would be the contestant that made it to the end. It's the MVP of my survival kit – right up there with Netflix and my questionable quarantine cooking skills. Sanitizer, you've earned your spot on the podium.
Sanitizer: Making Me Feel Like a Chemist
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Who needs a science degree when you've mastered the art of blending different sanitizers to create your own signature fragrance? Move over, Chanel No. 5; I call mine Ethyl Elegance. It has notes of aloe vera with a subtle hint of desperation.
Sanitizer: The Perfume of 2020
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Who needs expensive cologne when you can just bathe in the scent of sanitizer? Forget about those fancy French fragrances; I'm going for the eau de ethyl alcohol. It says, I'm clean, responsible, and probably a bit neurotic.
Sanitizer: The Overachiever of Personal Space
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I never thought I'd be jealous of a bottle, but sanitizer manages to keep people at arm's length better than I ever could. Forget about social distancing; sanitizer invented personal space 2.0. I just need to figure out how to bottle that skill for my next awkward family gathering.
Sanitizer: My New Workout Buddy
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Who needs dumbbells when you can work on those arm muscles by lugging around a giant bottle of sanitizer? I've unintentionally become a fitness enthusiast, all thanks to the unexpected weightlifting regimen my hygiene routine has turned into. Sanitizer curls, anyone?
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