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You ever notice how we all have to register for everything nowadays? I registered for school, I registered my car, heck, I even had to register my blender warranty. I mean, what's next? Do I have to register my emotions? "Today, I'll be feeling a mix of confusion and slight hunger, thank you very much.
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Have you ever been to one of those places where they ask you to register your email for updates? I signed up once, and now my inbox is like a needy ex who won't stop sending me messages. "Hey, remember that time you bought socks in 2015? We've got a sock sale just for you!
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I registered for a parenting class, and the instructor said, "Parenting is like riding a bike. You'll fall, but you have to get back up." I'm thinking, "Can we talk about the fact that I can't even ride a bike without training wheels? Is there a class for that, too?
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We live in a world where even our appliances have serial numbers. I bought a toaster the other day, and it came with a serial number. I'm half expecting a toaster detective to knock on my door one day, asking about its whereabouts. "Sir, we have reason to believe your toaster has been involved in some questionable bread toasting activities.
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Why do we have to register for loyalty programs at every store? I feel like I'm in a committed relationship with my grocery store. "Yes, I'm loyal to you, but do we really need a card to prove it? I just want my discounts without the emotional baggage.
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I registered for a gym membership, and they handed me a key fob. Now I feel like a secret agent every time I go for a workout. "Agent Sweatpants reporting for duty. I'm here to lift heavy things and pretend to understand how the elliptical works.
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I recently got a new smartphone, and it's so smart that it probably knows more about me than I do. It's like, "Congratulations, you've successfully registered for personalized ads based on your obscure internet searches. Enjoy your targeted ads for llama grooming services.
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You know you're an adult when you get excited about registering for a new vacuum cleaner warranty. I was so thrilled; I almost threw a vacuum launch party. "Join me as we celebrate the suction power of adulthood! Champagne and dust bunnies for everyone!
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Why do we have to register for so many things in life? I registered for a library card, and suddenly I'm part of this exclusive club of people who borrow books. It's like, "Watch out world, I've got a library card, and I'm not afraid to use it... occasionally.
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