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I got a possessed chair from an antique shop. Turns out, it had a ghost who just loved to mess with my posture. "Sit up straight, mortal!" It's like having a ghostly chiropractor with attitude.
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Why do possessed dolls always have to stare into your soul? Can't we have a possessed doll that's more like, "Hey, let's binge-watch some Netflix and chill"?
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I got a possessed toaster that only toasts bread into ominous shapes. No more happy smiley faces on my breakfast; now it's all pentagrams and ghost emojis. I just wanted a light breakfast, not a paranormal breakfast experience!
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You ever notice how possessed objects always seem to be from a thrift store? Like, demons are on a budget, too. "Let's haunt this vintage lamp; it's got character and a killer 70s vibe!
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Why is it that ghosts always go for the outdated fashion choices? I mean, if I were a ghost, I'd at least haunt people in style, maybe throw in a few ghostly fashion tips. "Ooh, honey, you need to lose the bedsheet and try something more ethereal!
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I bought a possessed blender once. Every time I tried to make a smoothie, it would start whispering ancient curses. I just wanted a green smoothie, not a paranormal experience!
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Possessed GPS systems are the worst. You're just driving along, and suddenly it's like, "In 500 feet, turn left into eternal damnation." No thanks, I'll stick to Google Maps.
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Possessed computers are the laziest ghosts. Instead of haunting your emails or files, they just keep randomly opening and closing the CD tray, like they're stuck in a spooky tech loop.
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I tried to use a possessed pen the other day. Every time I started writing, it would channel some ancient poet and compose sonnets about the afterlife. I just wanted to jot down my grocery list, not summon Shakespeare.
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