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I thought pole dancing was about expressing yourself. But every time I try, it looks less like self-expression and more like a confused insect trying to escape a spider web.
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You know you're getting old when you see someone pole dancing, and instead of thinking it's sexy, you wonder if they've had their tetanus shot.
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Have you ever noticed that pole dancers have the strongest arms in the world? I can barely open a jar of pickles, and they're up there defying gravity like it's no big deal.
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I overheard someone saying pole dancing is empowering. So, naturally, I tried it at home, and now my cat looks at me like I've lost my mind.
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There's always that one friend who suggests, "Let's try pole dancing for fun!" and suddenly you're hanging upside down, questioning your life choices, and hoping no one walks in.
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I saw a sign for pole dancing classes that said, "Unleash your inner diva." I went in expecting glitter and glam, but it turns out my inner diva is more of a confused librarian who took a wrong turn.
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I don't get the people who say pole dancing isn't a sport. Have you seen the upper body strength required? It's like trying to climb a tree, but the tree is vertical, and you're wearing heels.
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The first rule of pole dancing club: Always stretch before attempting any moves. The second rule: Make sure your curtains are closed – neighbors tend to have questions.
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You know you're out of shape when you get winded just watching someone else pole dance. I was sweating by the second spin – and I was sitting on the couch.
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