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Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
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I accidentally washed my money. Now it's clean, but I can't make cents of it!
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Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything, just like my ex's excuse for a bad day!
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I had a rough day at work. I accidentally used white-out on the monitor. Now the screen is blank.
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Why did the scarecrow become a successful motivational speaker? Because he was outstanding in his field!
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I bought shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day!
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Why did the man put his money in the blender? Because he wanted to make some liquid assets!
The Universe Owes Me an Apology
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I met this guy who claimed the universe owed him an apology for his bad day. I'm thinking, Dude, the universe has been around for billions of years, and you want it to say sorry for your coffee spill? Good luck getting an apology from the cosmos. Even Pluto got demoted without an apology.
The Email Reply Saga
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You ever have one of those days where you send an email and stare at your inbox waiting for a reply? It's like waiting for a text from your crush, but with higher stakes. Is this the day I get ignored by both my crush and my boss? Fantastic!
The Sock Conspiracy
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People having a bad day always blame it on something random. I met a guy who was convinced his mismatched socks were plotting against him. I'm like, Dude, your socks are not in cahoots. They're just socking it to your fashion sense.
Bad Day Olympics
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I'm thinking of organizing the Bad Day Olympics. We'll have events like the Grocery Bag Rips, the Stubbed Toe Sprint, and the Emotional Breakdown Marathon. The gold medal winner gets a lifetime supply of bubble wrap and a therapy cat.
When Life Gives You Lemons, Choke on Them
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They say when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. But what if life throws the lemons at your face? Do I still make lemonade or sue life for assault? I mean, a bad day is one thing, but I draw the line at citrus-based violence.
I'm on a 'No Bad Day' Diet
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You ever meet those people who claim they're on a No Bad Day diet? I tried it for a week, but all I lost was my patience. I'm like, I'll take the extra pounds and a good mood, thank you very much.
The Office Copier Rebellion
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I heard about a guy who had a breakdown because the office copier jammed. He was yelling, I just wanted copies, not drama! I sympathize, but if that's the breaking point, imagine him dealing with a fax machine. He'd probably call it a time-traveling disappointment.
Bad Day, Bad Hair, Bad Life
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You ever meet those people who've had a bad day and it's like their hair is trying to escape the madness too? It's standing up like, I'm outta here! I saw a guy today, his hair was so stressed, it had split ends with restraining orders.
The Parking Lot Plight
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I saw someone having a bad day in the parking lot. They were looking for their car like it was a needle in a haystack. I thought, If they put as much effort into finding inner peace as they do their Toyota, they'd be Buddha by now.
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