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You ever notice how socks have this secret society where they conspire to disappear in the laundry? You start with a pair, and by the time you're done, you're left with the loneliest sock in the drawer, wondering where its partner went.
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Why do we always run out of storage on our phones at the most inconvenient times? It's like my phone waits until I'm about to capture the most epic sunset, and then it's like, "Sorry, can't do it. Storage full. But here's a selfie from three years ago.
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Why is it that when we can't find something, we always check the fridge? "Oh, I can't find my keys. Better see if they somehow ended up next to the mayo." It's the modern-day version of retracing your steps.
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I was at the grocery store the other day, and they have like 20 different types of bread. I'm standing there thinking, "Do I want whole grain, whole wheat, multi-grain, or just a grain of sanity trying to choose?
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I bought a fitness tracker, and now I have this passive-aggressive bracelet on my wrist. It's like, "Hey, you've been sitting for an hour. Why don't you take a walk?" I'm like, "How about you take a walk off my wrist?
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You know you're an adult when you get excited about a new sponge for the kitchen. It's like, "Look at those scrubbing bristles! This is going to change my life!" I never thought I'd be rating kitchen utensils, but here we are.
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Why do we press harder on the remote control when we know the batteries are weak? It's like we're sending a telepathic message to the TV, "Come on, just one more episode before you die!
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I was cleaning my room, and I found a bunch of old chargers. None of them fit my current devices, but I keep them anyway, just in case time travel becomes a thing, and I need to power up my ancient iPhone 5 in the future.
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You ever notice how your bed is like a magnet in the morning? It's like, the alarm goes off, you've got all these plans for the day, but your bed is there whispering, "Hey, remember how comfy I am? You sure you want to leave?
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