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I was scrolling through orcish social media the other day – yeah, they have their own version. It's called "Gore-gram." You think your aunt posts weird stuff on Facebook? Try following an orc warlord who thinks selfies are for weaklings. They have hashtags like #OrcsJustWannaHaveFun and #SlayingIt. But my favorite is #OrcLife – it's just orcs flexing their muscles and giving motivational speeches about conquering adversity. "Today's adversity: finding a clean loincloth. But we press on!"
And don't even get me started on orc influencers. "Hey, what's up, guys? It's Grog the Barbarian here, and today, I'm gonna show you how to raid a village and still have time for self-care. Smash that like button if you've ever crushed your enemies and seen them driven before you!
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You know, I was thinking about orcs the other day. You see them in movies and games, always portrayed as these big, scary creatures with a face only a mother could love. But let's give them some credit. Maybe they're just misunderstood, you know? Like, what if orcs are just trying to express themselves through their fashion choices? Maybe those spikes on their armor are just the medieval version of a punk rock leather jacket. "Orcs, the original rebels!" And speaking of misunderstood, imagine being an orc in a dating app. It must be tough. You're just swiping right, hoping for a match, and all you get is, "Sorry, I don't date orcs." Ouch! That's orc discrimination right there. They're probably sitting there thinking, "I'm not an orc, I'm an orcanthropologist!
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So, I was at the gym the other day, and I noticed this orc working out. Now, I don't know if you've ever seen an orc at the gym, but it's like watching a bulldozer bench press. The weights are shaking, the ground is trembling, and I'm just trying to do my little bicep curls in the corner, feeling completely inadequate. But here's the thing – orcs have their own gym etiquette. They don't put the weights back; they throw them. I saw an orc finish his set and toss the dumbbells across the room like he was auditioning for the orc Olympics. I was ducking and dodging weights like it was a CrossFit class in Middle Earth.
And don't get me started on the protein shakes. Orcs don't do whey protein; they crush boulders and mix that powder with a splash of dragon blood. It's called the "Orc Special," and apparently, it gives them the strength to conquer kingdoms and deadlift elephants.
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Let's talk about orcish cuisine for a moment. You know, they always get a bad rap for eating raw meat and all that, but I think we're missing the culinary genius here. Orcs are like the original paleo diet enthusiasts. They're just trying to keep it real, you know? I imagine orc cooking shows would be hilarious. "Today, on 'Cooking with Grak' – How to char-grill a giant spider without burning your fortress down." And their version of a salad is probably just a bunch of tree roots and a splash of troll sweat. "High in fiber, low in elves."
But hey, if you ever get invited to an orcish feast, don't ask what's on the menu. Just show up with a strong stomach and a hearty appetite. It's a potluck, and everyone's bringing something – whether it's roasted unicorn or flame-broiled giant rat.
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